My life is like a never ending party filled with CHEEZ-CURLS

I walk into the restroom after lunch today to relieve myself and what do i find? My stall is blocked from use??!??? I stood there for at least 30 seconds trying to figure out how to move the stuff from in from of it so I could get in. Eventually my laziness took over and I wandered into the other stall. The entire experience was surreal and painful. The toilet paper dispenser was on the wrong side, the lighting was different — how the hell am I supposed to get into the mood when I can’t even look at the things I normally do? Peeing isnt an adventure, it’s a moment to quietly reflect on the day’s events and plan your attack on the rest of the day. I can’t concentrate on the important stuff if I am bumping into the toilet paper dispenser and worrying about my fading eyesight. Shit, at least I still wipe with the same hand.

This morning my cat, Chloe, told me about her job as the night manager at the Dollar Store. She didnt seem entirely happy about her job. It seems that our other two cats are not showing up for their shifts. Chiva the Kitten claimed she didn’t know about it, then told me about her job delivering newspapers. Cocoa the Reticent just stared at me, quietly judging me. I told Chloe to get a better job.