old lady

This weekend I cleaned my kitchen. Cleaned the whole damned thing. I cleaned like a pilled up OCD soccer mom that never gets laid. I’m not OCD, I don’t have kids, and I get laid with a frequency that is imprudent to discuss.
I am, however, pilled up. Of course I can’t blame the manic cleaning on the pills. I’ve been taking this dose for 6 months now, and nothing got cleaned. I think it’s the pills and the extra sunlight. It’s been amazingly fuckass cold here lately. When it is that cold, there is always bright bright sunlight (no nice warm insulating blanket of clouds).
I cleaned the hell out of the kitchen. I ran a billion loads of dishes. I stuck things in the dishwasher that weren’t dishes but I figured anything that needed to be washed and fit in the dishwasher would go. Cabinet fronts, sink, dishes, floor, counters. I threw away everything that was uselessly taking up space. I reorganized. I discovered the Mr Clean Antibacterial Multi-Surface Cleaner has a bizarre slightly anise-like scent that becomes stronger when sprayed on coffee residue.
I discovered that Pine-Sol will cut through any amount of old grease. I also realized that the properties of Pine-Sol that allows it to eat the grease on my stove also allows it to eat the fat on my hands. My hands have this weird scaly thing going on. EW. And no, I don’t want to wear gloves. they’re so creepy on the inside and they constantly remind me of Curley from “Of Mice and Men”. Creepy.
My house smells like a giant hippo ate an entire pine forest and then shit everywhere. Awesome.

One thought on “old lady

Comments are closed.