HI HI HI HI HI again!

Hi! My name is chester. I am chester. me, chester….snuffle snuffle
Okay the fat lady, she’s been all busy! She’s busy, I don’t go outside as often OUTSIDE oh my god I love going outside because I can tell people what my name is and I can poop and…oh…right
So, the fat lady is busy, but not with me.Me. CHESTER! She’s gonna post soon.
Then I can go outside. I love outside! I tell everyone my name and I make sure they know to stay away from my yard because it’s my yard and it’s mine and sometimes maddie’s
Maddie looks like a hippo! And when I am outside I poop. and I walk
and outside I was doing things and did you know that no three snowflakes smell exactly alike! this is true or my name isn’t chester! OH MY GOD my name is chester. I was smelling 3 snowflakes and I noticed that they didn’t smell alike and then I ran to the other side of the yard and smelled three more and then I ran to a different part of the yard to smell more BUT THAT MAN WAS ACROSS THE STREET AND I HAD TO TELL HIM TO GO AWAY MY NAME IS CHESTER!!
And the fat lady is all in a robe and her moon boots and telling me things like hurry up and fuck and buttpunch. and I don’t understand because you have to smell all the snowflakes to be sure
and I smelled more snowflakes and they didn’t smell ali..MADDIE!! I’m jumping on madding OW OW OW she’s biting my head
I have to poop. If I poop on a snowflake will it smell like the other snowflakes with poop on them? OH MY GOD! have you seen me poop? I do it on the ground when I am outside. Hey! snow! Look at that. I wonder what it smells like?
Poop. Yeah.
Oh, hey, there’s the fat lady! I wanna run inside and sit on her

How to move non-stop for a few days (part 3 in which I stand a lot, eat a lot, and get ready to harass a celebrity)

Saturday morning I take advantage of my chance to tower over someone and I go harass Julie on the air mattress in the living room. I try to get the dogs to eat her, but mostly they just want to snuffle her face and snuggle. Jerks.
I always think of my dogs as these ill-behaved jackasses, spawn of Cerberus himself sent to destroy me, but really, they’re pretty good. I hadn’t given much thought to it until Julie mentioned it, but they are pretty well trained and behaved. They will let you know they want some of your food by using the hypnotic Meaningful Stare but they don’t beg or climb on you or get pushy. They know good behavior and they know when they are being bad and sometimes they intentionally do something like get in my seat just for the goofiness of it all.
Right now they are passed out in bed with me, their faces angelic and sweet. Thinking of them as good dogs is really easy right now. Later, when they are scrabbling around the house and playing hippo stampede I might assess the situation differently.
Anyway! It’s all up and at it. Showers are taken, coffee and cupcakes are consumed, calls are made, plans are solidified!
We head off to the MOA and meet up with Dawn. What follows is an intense few hours of yarn related…standing in line! There are very long and orderly lines to take you from one booth to another. At one point it is suggested that maybe we should just skip the lines and cut in at each booth. I am adamantly opposed to this. I’m a jerk about rules. Systems only work if the rules are followed. I get us all fired up on the system and the rules and the constitution and we’re feeling quite patriotic (even Julie!). It is our duty to our country to stand in line in an orderly fashion!
It is also our duty to show much disdain for the people who do try to cut in line.
So, here’s the thing. We’re in line and we are patient and we are watching the people around us and we each independently come to the same realization. Some 90% of the line cutters are not young jerks with no respect for authority, no! Not at all! The line cutters are predominantly upper middle aged white women from the suburbs (presumably the suburbs, you can smell the Thomas Kinkade on them). The very same women who poopoo the current young generation as being disrespectful. Damned jackasses! They learned it from watching you! What do you expect! Your wash and go hair and perma-press slacks from Kohls are not an all access pass to the world!
Oh, right! We stood in line and received our freebies. Sadly, many people had promised that we would get much free yarn, but we only got one free ball of novelty yarn. Hmmm. But many patterns and whatnot. We even got light up knitting needles. I’ll be giving mine to my mom. As much as I would have loved to use them as light sabers, I just don’t need extra stuff lying around and we’d probably break them soon.
We stopped for lunch at Tucci Benucch, a sorta passable Italian restaurant in the mall. Definitely better than Olive Garden, but still one of those places that puts ‘balsamic’ vinegar in the dipping oil. Let me have a little tangent here… Let’s just stop with the balsamic vinegar thing. It’s had its run, none of the things called ‘balsamic’ vinegar were the real thing, putting caramel color and a bit of sugar in some vinegar does not make it balsamic vinegar. The condiment grade stuff that we see mass produced isn’t anything like what the real thing is. The real thing is thick and sweet and used sparingly. It’s used as much on desserts as on entrees.
Sorry. Anyway, I had the gnocchi with a pretty good bolognese sauce (a good bolognese sauce is one of the treats this world gives us to thank us for standing in line!). The funny thing is that I’d only ever been to the restaurant once before and I sat in the same exact booth.
After lunch we headed out again to stand in more lines and pick up more stuff. Many people come to ask why we are standing in line and it takes a supreme effort of will to keep my mouth shut and not answer “your mom”. People from Ravelry find me! It’s both fun and peculiar. I am one who for years made a concerted effort to not be found by anyone for any reason. All in good fun! people recognize me by my Ravelry bag, my tiny feet, my general aura of jackassitude (except that I’m standing in line and other people are being jackasses about the line!).
After the lines we are exhausted. We slip into Barnes and Noble to sit in the relative quiet of the Starbucks there and crochet and drink coffee. We discuss all manner of TMI subjects. Julie and I explain to Dawn how we met and what led to our friendship. I have been working on a scarf all day while standing in line, just a simple basketweave crochet stitch. As I am sitting at the table working on my scarf when a lady comes up to ask about it. That was fine, lots of people like to ask about the ongoing projects being worked on in public. it WOULD have been fine but she put her hand on my upper thigh and rubbed it!!! SHE RUBBED MY UPPER THIGH!! PERSONAL SPACE ISSUES!!!! HELLO!!!!!
Oh crap that was weird.
Dawn had to take off as she was going to pick up Kim Werker and I am insistent that the world will bow to me and I will meet her!
Julie and I head back to the house to collapse for a bit before dinner.
Coming up: I admit to getting it on with Kim Werkers grandmother in law, I eat delicious food and am generally inappropriate)

How to move non-stop for a few days (part 2 in which I make a mediocre dinner and David becomes a hero)

Upon arriving home and greeting the dogs and jumping around and peeing I got started on dinner.
I pulled the pork roat out of the crock pot and shredded the meat, I pureed the sauce, I cooked the squash. I got all my stuff together to make spicy pork and squash enchiladas and i realized that I hadn’t really thought any of this through. My process was haphazard at best, i hadn’t given a thought to all the ingredients I would need or even how to balance any of the flavors.
To say I was disappointed with the results would be an understatement.
But there was salad with peppadew peppers and chevre and a handmade raspberry vinaigrette and that wasn’t too bad.
As the meh-nchiladas were baking I went to show julie how to use the ball winder and swift. I set up her first hank of yarn on the swift and discovered that the knots had been tied by Peru’s criminally insane! I did not want to cut the knots because quite often they use the yarn in the skein to tie things in place and I didn’t want to cut that sort of thing. After fighting and fighting it was discovered that they used scrap yarn to tie it off and it could all be cut. Jerks.
Julie wound ball after ball and the magic that is my ball winder and swift truly came alive.
After dinner she went back to wind another ball of yarn and just as she got started it was discovered that the yarn was cut in multiple places, probably by a box opener. Things got tangle quickly and it looked like a loss.
David, in his invisible cape and hero underpants stepped. He slowly and patiently untangled the mess and wound as many partial balls as possible. He is truly our hero.
Coming up: We stand in line, and stand in line and stand in line and then I get freaky with Kim Werker!

How to move non-stop for a few days (part 1 in which I spend some money)

Julie is on her way. I sit quietly on the sofa and drink my coffee and wait for her call. waiting and waiting. Then she calls and I speed off to the airport to pick her up.
I’ve not seen Julie in a couple years and I am excited to see her. Our first stop is Cupcake, but our route is hampered by the lack of bridge between here and there. Put me in minneapolis and tell me where to go and I can follow the grid of streets and get you there. Tell me to go to a place in St Paul and remove the bridge and the wacky angle of the streets caused by the bend in the river gets me every time. For those familiar with the area, I went from the airport to near downtown, turned around, got on 35E, got off at downtown, drove to 94 and took that to 280 and managed to find it there on University Ave. Of course I am sure there was a less zig-zaggy way to do this, but I imagine it was not at fun.
Julie and I ate and laughed and talked about…i don’t remember, maybe it was penises. Cupcakes were consumed and more cupcakes purchased for later. The superawesome cupcake of the day was the Mexican Hot Chocolate cupcake with it’s cinnamon/coffee goodness.
We packed up the cupcakes and headed out. We were delayed by the biggest yellow lab on the planet. I’m pretty sure Trogon the Galaxy Humper has a smaller head than that dog! But he was the sweetest thing ever and I am incapable of ignoring really sweet dogs that obviously want my love. The owner was one of those lucky women that got to bring her dog to work every day. Super envy!
Cash money was pulsing in my purse and the only cure for that is to spend it on yarn! We went to Borealis Yarns for a yarn hunting safari. We met up with Dawn and her son, the amazingly cute Nick. Little boys with curly hair are such flirts and they know it works!
The front of Borealis is good, but I am always drawn to the back room. And entire room populated with sock yarns and fingering weight yarns. Sigh? SIGH! I shoved my head into the last crate of Smooshy and managed to find enough Cool Fire to use for a lovely sweater.
Julie was drooling over some peruvian wool and got a couple hanks of a coppery color and a few hanks of something red that I think was a Cherry Tree Hill supersock but I can’t remember and she will have to tell me.
On the way home I got to impress Julie with the American healthcare system. In Canada everyone may be entitled to healthcare, but in America we have drive thru pharmacies! Where’s your poutine now??
Coming up: Mehnchiladas and David becomes a hero to many.

Whatever happened to

Whatever happened to Midnight Oil? Are they the Chumbawumba of the 80’s?

  • David and I did valentines early, dinner at the Red Stag. All I have to say is you can keep your powdered tiger’s penis and oysters and what have you. Duck confit on toast points with hand made mustard is what I’m talking about.
  • One day I am going to punch the news in the face. Or I’m going to punch every one in the face. Can we please stop being dicks? Let’s stop shooting people or kicking them off their ancestral lands or whatever it is that people are doing that is dicklike behavior.
  • Relatedly…in response to the whole warrantless wiretapping bullshit…America is safer when we follow the RULES. We have a system in place, it’s not perfect but it is a good system, a solid system of checks and balances that allows each branch of government to keep track of the others. Getting a warrant is a way of saying ‘i’ve done my job in a thorough and honest manner’ and then you can have someone else say ‘you are right, this is thorough and honest’ or ‘though your intentions may be correct, your evidence is lacking’. Warrants are not hard to come by and if you are tapping phone lines then it’s not like you have the immediacy of someone standing with a gun somewhere, and if that were the case, a warrant would not be necessary. Call me an idealist, I know that I am, but if you are honest and doing your job well, then there should be no reason to avoid asking for a warrant. If you say you want to keep America safe then that means that you keep all of it safe, not just the bits you like. I’m not a doomsayer, I am not one who sees or believes in conspiracies, but I will say this, when the government starts acting as a separate, independent entity and stops acting as an extension of the people then the government has lost its focus and the people have forgotten their responsibility.
    Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.
  • okay, I have to start the pork enchilada process in the crock pot (trust me) and shower and whatnot before Julie’s plane lands!
  • oh, yeah, the dogs are good and healthy. David is sweet and awesome. It’s 12butt cold outside and I have 2 (TWO!) of those poky, hurtey taste bud things on my tongue. Where do these come from? It’s like 2 taste buds decided to get all pissed off and explode! Assholes.