At work, sitting at my desk thinking about ugly people dorm utility usage when i notice little bumps on my left hand. And they were on my right hand. And they were n my arms….and they kinda itched.
So I scratched because I love me a good scratchin’. and they itched more and I scratched more and my knees and hips were itchy and my shins and I kept scratching and itching and i looked like one of those people that smell like a garage and sit too close to you in the waiting area of city hall (all you want to do is deal with your ticket and get it over with). Ha, I was totally the crazy one.
This morning I was in the shower and my soap was gone so I used David’s. David’s soap is blue and has some sort of man scented manliness to it. I believe this is the “Power Sport Mountain Goat” scent, I’m not sure. It smells nice on him, though. I smelled all manly this morning.
Then I got little bumps that itched and I scraaatched those bumps. Dang. It seems that this soap is not just manly in name but also deed. It did not appreciate being molested by my boobs! It was offended by my lack of man-wiener. It wanted revenge.
It got revenge.
Now, take a minute and really think about every nook and cranny (heh heh cranny) that you wash with soap when you shower. All of them, right? If you don’t say ‘right’ I’m not going to sit by you anymore. all of those places itched.
This was worse than the time we switched detergents and I woke up in the middle of the night all allergic to my underpants.

I have small small feet, probably disproportionately small. Also I am fat.
Over the years I have developed small painful growths on the 5th metatarsi of both feet. Basically, where the phalanges of the baby toes meet the matatarsal bones.
Earlier this summer it came time to replace my sneakers. They were worn out and the EVA midsole was all smooshed and not so bouncy. I purchased the same exact sneakers that I had. Over the course of the summer those bumps ached every time I walked. The pressure was getting to be so much that I dreaded walking the dogs and would often whine to get out of it. I considered seeing an orthopedist, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Sometimes you just don’t have the strength to hear another person say, “well, you wouldn’t have this problem if you just made smarter choices, took better care of yourself, stopped being so impulsive with food, exercised more, ate less.” So I stuck it out, figured this was my punishment for years of bad choices and being fat. I’d never had this problem before but i’ve put on a bit of weight lately and I’m getting old.
David is more persistent than I am, also he cares and worries about me. He started investigating. He found that my new sneakers, though the same brand and style, were constructed ever so slightly differently in that particular area. The toe box support on the sides was just a fraction higher. Maybe just a couple millimeters. Such an insignificant thing. Such a tiny sliver of difference. Vasque probably did it in to provide more support in the area. That little sliver of support was not allowing my foot to break in the shoes. One little tiny area was redesigned to push inward and my foot needed it to push outward. I put my old sneakers back on and wore them all weekend.
Bliss. I could walk without pain again. I am not filled with the overwhelming urge to rip my shoes off and cry! And this is where we accept that David is far more logical than I could ever be. I’m too emotional. I’m too quick to blame myself. I’m to quick to say “live with the consequences”.
I’m pretty lucky to have David! Sadly, however, it looks like I will be trading in my much beloved Vasques for a new sneaker. Sigh.