At the end of the year I like to do one of those retrospective posts wherein I recap the previous year’s events. I talk about what I gained and lost, what I learned and what i fucked up.
These things usually take me a couple of weeks worth of pondering and then a couple days worth of actual research as I go through the website rereading things and then through other documents and notes and bits of writing that I have here and there.
One common theme that came up was that 2006 was a very hard year for me. My depression and anxiety got the better of me, I made some bad decisions, some things happened that I had no control over. I lost my Ghengis.
I have a list next to me, a whole sheet of paper covered in scribbled notes where I tried to make sense of the year and put it into a coherent bit of writing. In rereading my posts and going over my memories for the year, one moment stuck with me, a bright, shiny moment that I think umbrellas everything.
In July I flew down to meet David in New Orleans. He’d already been there for a few weeks and we missed each other terribly. On my last day there we took the ferry out to Ship Island and went swimming in the gulf. It was amazing for me, porpoises swimming within reach. Jellyfish, crabs and stripey fish hanging out with us. After we got in the water a lightning storm started to roll in. It was close enough to scare everyone else out of the water but not so close that we were in danger. David and I were alone in the gulf, swimming during a lightning storm.
As we were swimmming, David put his arms around me and floated me on my back as he swam around. I did not even notice at first, it was such a subtle move. I found myself completely relaxed in his arms, floating on the surface of the water, watching the lightning in the near distance. I had to put forth no effort to keep my head above the waves, I just floated there in the safety of his arms as we went here and there in the water. The whole time he talked to me, sang to me and made me smile.
And that was David this entire year. For no matter what happened, he quickly and quietly put his arms around me and held me above water. Not just to keep me safe from the waves, but to allow me the chance to relax. For all of the times that I have been upset or hurt, he was there to hold me. For all of the times I was celebrating, enjoying myself or experiencing sheer joy, he was there with me. When I was floundering or in need or lost, he was next to me. He boosted my confidence, he supported my decisions and he stood by me when I failed.
So many things happened in 2006, good, bad and ugly. For every thing that happened, David was there.
2006 is the year that David held me and I could not be more grateful.
“…that was a hard year but it passed on like all the rest.”
Grandma Moses – “My Life’s History”