Friday I used the last of the coffee beans in my coffee (4 shot americano, but you knew that). Saturday morning I was paralyzed, unable to move. I knew I would not get my bittersweet hit of caffeine goodness anytime soon.
Then the headache started.
and grew worse.
at one point I moved funny, held my breath as I strained and the resultant pain in my head was almost more than I could bear. I grew cranky and recalcitrant but I TRIED to be (if not pleasant) neutral. My head felt like a raw, esposed nerve filled ball of lead. I wanted to cry but the effort would have drawn more pain.
When we got to the coffee shop David had to remind me to not look so cranky, I didn’t even realize I was making grumble-face.
We bought more coffee beans, Cafe Fair brand, fair trade organic something or other Machu Picchu blend. Normally, I don’t care about organic, free trade coffee beans, but David picked these up once and we tried them and I fell desperately in love. The coffee has a definite bittersweet chocolate flavor to it, they’re not chocolate flavored, just the natural chocolate flavor of the coffee has been coaxed out. I now make my coffee at home instead of going to the coffee shop every morning.
I am currently sitting in bed writing thins. David has made me a very strong americano and is bringing me toast with creamed honey and banana slices and peanut butter. Did I mention that David rules? he rules.

There are numerous reasons why I dig David so much, he can reach things on the high shelves, he has nicknames for me like “Majority” and participates in impromptu dance parties with me. Yeah, it’s all good.
The thing is, though, when you really like somebody it is for all the ways they are not like anyone else. You like that thing which makes them unique and special.
Daivd is a damned good shopper. Surprisingly good. I could poll 10 of my female friends (do I have 10? I’m not even sure) and every one of them would tell me that their male counterparts are terrible with the clothes shopping, they don’t like to go, they never have opinions, they get cranky and they aren’t helpful. David is the exact opposite. He actively seeks out clothes for me, changes out sizes when i need it, offers up options, gives REAL opinions about things, is patient. He’s helpful! He’s good at clothes shopping. I’m terrible at it, i get so frustrated with it. He’s good, he keeps me calm.
We spent the entire day clothes shopping and I learned something. Men’s clothes are way cheaper than women’s and the sizing makes so much more sense!! We bought lots of clothes, heard the same song 4 times. We shopped for a hell of a long time.
Also, I need to lay off the salami sandwiches for a while. Either that or pants manufacturers need to start sizing for the salami sandwich factor.

Comcast CAN suck my nonexistent nuts!
on the other hand the mailman just came up to the house waking Ghengis from a dead sleep. He was too tired to bark for real but he tried so hard he ended up making a long, piggy snorting noise.

Okay, so I just typed up this angry and vehement post wherein I threatened to make Comcast suck my nonexistent nuts and I railed against people (old white suburbanites) who think today’s kids are so much worse than the cleaver and brady kids they remember so clearly from their youth. Also, I wanted to take on those people who hate dogs and bitch about halloween (of course the kids come to your door asking for candy and then leave, what the fuck did you expect? handwritten thank you cards?).
Then I remembered that I needed to stop being so angry about things like that. Anger only replicates itself it solves nothing so I need to calm the fuck down, plus I’m sick as fuck again and threatening to fashion a set of balls so that Comcast can suck them is pretty counterproductive.
So, instead, I’ll talk about books because books are sexy in a rectangular and heavy sort of way.
1) Lamb: The gospel according to Biff, Christ’s childhood pal
Very funny, well written, engaging. As the title suggests, it’s another gospel, this time told from the perspective of Jesus’ best friend. It covers the WHOLE life, including those missing 20 years. It’s funny and irreverent without being disrespectful. You know how the story is going to end and still it will bring a tear to your eye. All in all, a great big recommendation on that one.
2) The Years of Rice and Salt
Everything you read about this book will tell you that the book is an alternate history, a look at how things would be different if the plague wiped out 99% of the europeans. This is incorrect. This book is a character study, a series of vignettes with characters recurring through history. The loss of the Europeans and the rise of the Chinese and Muslims is secondary and unnecessary. The strength of the book lies in the struggle of the main characters who are reincarnated time and time again, throughout history. Their souls are linked together and their lives cross paths with each iteration. This would have worked with any premise, the plague theory was weak and ultimately uninteresting. The book was very good until the end where it just fell apart. Page after page of theory and belief, the tedium was overwhelming and I ended up only skimming the last chapter. Also, I felt his depictions of the Native Americans as being peace loving noble savages to be entirely too heavy handed. He makes up an elaborate system of government that makes the Native Americans peaceable and logical and it totally ignores the fact that humans really aren’t peaceable and logical.Humans will always fight and kill each other and no elaborate system of marriage government and labeling will stop that. I recommend the book as a good read, but really only if you have nothing else to read at the moment.
3) Whale Season
Started it last night, read 121 pages in the tub. Love it. It’s not high lit or anything like that. It’s smart, funny, observational and weird. I’m hoping to finish it today. The author truly captures those little moments in great detail.
Okay, i’m going to go eat some belgian honeyed goat cheese on crackers and cough until my muscles tear.