Happy birthday, Robert! Welcome to the cruel bitch that is your 30’s. It’s all downhill from here, you start craving meatloaf, your clothes get more practical, you really have to think twice about whether or not that ‘paid escort’ is practical for your budget.
Good luck man!
Man, gemini’s are kicking it. woo.

So there’s this whole Gift of the Magi thing going on with the birthday cake. I’m a total social event planner, i get off on planning parties and I know that David doesn’t. In trying to help him with the whole birthday party thing I went ahead and ordered a cake for me. I should have checked with him first. I suck, he had plans for a cake.
Easy enough, though, I cancelled my cake and we’re off to the races. Or something.
Nicest line in an email to me today: “What’s wrong little peanut?”. It totally made me feel better!
I’m driving the Allergen-mobile right now! I parked it on the street the other night as I was expecting to go out again and didn’t. My neighbor has this gi-fucking-gantic evergreen tree in her front yard. This tree got tree-horny and sprayed a thick layer of greenish pollen stuff all over everything. My car is covered in it, but the cool part is that it seems to work like fingerprinting dust, it really sticks to the handprints and fingerprints on my car. I’m more than a little disturbed at some of the handprint placements on my car.
So I need a car wash.
Yesterday, I went to go compare auto insurance rates. Currently I pay something like $90 a month or something like that, I don’t know, I know I write the check for less than $100 a month. The cheapest rate I could pull on Geico was $178! Screw that! Screw you, Geico!
Yet another dream that I will never realize. Dammit.
I’m off to eat papdi chat and masala chai!

I’ve seen a manatee fart and now I have seen a caterpillar poop. David found a happy green caterpillar on his way home from work today. Beebo is a green cloverwom (we think, I have my reservations as it has 4 pairs of mid-ab pro-legs instead of 3, but I can not find anything else closer to it). Anyway, we got him set up and tried a variety of leaves with him, finally found some he liked (caterpillars are hugely picky eaters).
But I’m not here to tell you of the particular and stringent dietary needs of the caterpillar. No, I’m all up on the other end. Obviously, caterpillars poop. The reason why they eat so damned much, besdies needing the energy to pupate, is because they are insanely inefficient digesters. Seriously, though, Beebo produced a stercus almost as big around as he was! Granted, it was not terribly long, but STILL. If you or I tried to shit something with that turd:body size ratio we’d be screaming for our mamas!
Anyway, if all goes well, Beebo will become a beautiful something or other and fly away to a life fraught with the little dangers of everyday life, like hungry birds, impassive windshields, and bug zappers.
Also, didn’t get to break into a car. Sad. But I did get to stand there and watch David break into his own apartment. Mostly, though, I just played with Beebo and offered up helpful suggestions like “do you want to use a credit card?” (which, technically, was a good suggestion because he tried it and it worked.)
Just about time to turn on the AC for the summer. That kind of makes me sad, but not really. I should have been more productive this evening but it’s too hot and humid to do much.
Peace out beebos.

This morning I dreamed that Darryl Strawberry was an anthropomorphic dachshund that went from school to school teaching kids to stay off drugs. He was about 7 feet long and the kids loved him so.
Oh my wacky brain.
Dinner got rescheduled to thursday. Fascinating. I think David and Bryan will hit it off, they both like music, they both are tall and skinny, they’re bipedal!
Man, we’re so rocking the Big Lebowski birthday party on Saturday! Right now I am trying to find a place that makes a bowling themed birthday cake. Seems you can’t go high class for that. I can easily order a golf themed cake, but bowling isn’t listed.
Okay, just got off the phone with Lunds and talked to the coolest guy ever. I actually have an appointment to speak to a cake decorator. Cool? Yeah, cool!
Every year I vow to be more grown up about my birthday, to not get so giddy and excited, to not drop hints. It doesn’t work, about a week out I find myself singing made up birthday songs, I have impromptu dance parties. I give the dog lists of birthday present ideas to distribute to my friends. Sigh, some day I’ll grow up, but not for a while I guess.
Is it wrong to talk about your birthday party to people who aren’t invited?
The squirrel I killed yesterday is all mushed on the street now. Sad.
I’m off to break into a car now. Wish me luck.