On an interesting side note, I can fellate my remote control. How did I come to discover this fascinating talent? Who cares!?! The better question is, ‘What does your remote taste like?’. Well let me tell you, it tastes like many hours wasted on my couch watching drivel, it tastes like evenings spent with good friends laughing, it tastes like bad tv and better movies, it tastes like my cats, it tastes like a quiet evening.

Though I was thoroughly tempted, I fought the deep-down urge to watch the broadcast of the International Special Olympics. I know that the Special Olympics is a wonderful organization bringing valuable lessons and fun to those who need them most. But goddammit, I am pure evil and I can’t help but find this too amusing. So in an effort to hold off the inevitable lightening bolt for another day I moved on to something more healthy. I watched hour upon hour of ‘The Joker’s Wild’ on Game Show network.

Regularly there is some news made about a college or professional team getting some flak for using Native American names or likenesses in their sports teams names. Some seem benign on the surface (ND Fighting Sioux) and others are patently offensive (The Washington Redskins, the Cleveland Indians logo). Since many people don’t seem to recognize what the big deal is, perhaps we should suggest other names for them to use.
* The WifeBeatin’ Whiteys
* The TrailerPark Crackers
* the Fightin’ Speed Freaks
* The Well Defended Corporate Embezzlers
I think you get the idea.

Man, I’d hate to be the person for whom the phrase “Butt Ugly” was coined.