Love will break you

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So this is my new song obsession, it was on the CD that Mark made for me. It was written by Leonard Cohen and performed by Jeff Buckley
Hallelujah
I heard there was a secret chord
That david played and it pleased the lord
But you don�t really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrough ya
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Well, maybe I�ve been here before
I�ve seen this room and I�ve walked this floor
I used to live with leonard before I knew ya
I�ve seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It�s a cold and it�s a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
There was a time when you let me know
What�s really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath you drew was hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
And maybe there�s a God above
But all I�ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
Well it�s not a cry that you hear at night
It�s not somebody who�s seen the light
It�s a cold and it�s a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, halle…
It�s not what you�re told
It�s not her face
It�s not his touch
In the room you both share
Where he�s gone when he loved
When your time and your memory fills your dreams
When you�re honest and together
Together no more
No more
Hallelujah, until you�re nothing
Hallelujah, baby, until she�s everywhere
Hallelujah, until together you are somewhere I�d lost
Hallelujah, hallelujah.
(bonne nuit… bonne nuit… I love you… I love you… we love you… thank you)

Little Things

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I had a rough week this past week. Had to deal with a betrayal of friendship and a betrayal of confidences. These were 2 separate but intertwined incidences. I knew they were going to happen, I should not have been surprised, but they happened, i was surprised. Mostly, I was left feeling like a fool.
I felt defeated, really. There is no other way to describe how I felt. I’d been dealing with so much, I’d been trying so hard to get some semblance of ‘normal’ and ‘control’ in my life and then I get hit with something that makes me want to just sit down and give up. And, yeah, I did that for a couple days. It was nice.
So, anyway, yeah, the armor’s worn a bit thin in places, I’m a bit more reactionary than I used to be. In some ways I have to be. I can’t keep putting forth effort for people who don’t appreciate or need what I have to offer.
And certainly, it’s important to sheild myself completely from those who would take a sensitive issue and use it to hurt me.
On the other hand, the one far far away from this hand, there have been some bright highlights in my week.
First off, as was posted earlier, I got me a puppy! I’m really very pleased with him. He was born on 1/31 and is 12 weeks old. We’ve started puppy kindergarten and already I’ve taught him ‘sit’ and ‘beg’. We’re still working on the housebreaking, but he’s coming along nicely. He’s a dachshund and shar-pei mix, and the characteristics and personality traits are really evident. It’s a lot of work to have a new puppy, but definitely worth it. Pictures and amusing anecdotes will be posted with tiring regularity.
Secondly, I got home today to find a package from my friend, Mark. He made a mix cd of all the music we listened to on my trip out there to DC over new years. It’s titled “Soundtrack to Heather” and features a picture of me (blick) standing in front of a hippo (hooray!!). It’s not the music that makes me happy, it’s the thoughtfulness of the gift that makes me so happy. Along with Soundtrack to Heather was the Mike Doughty cd “Rockity Roll” which for some reason I don’t own yet (bad fan!!). So, ladies, there’s a remarkably cute, shy, single guy in DC. He’s thoughtful, sweet and funny. He’ll sing you songs, take you to see the hippos, make you cd’s and he is surprisingly strong. Cute ass, too.
What else is going on? The sun came back. It is spring once again. The garden is sprouting bulbs like mad! And Ghengis is doing what he can to keep things fertilized. Good boy, Ghengis!!
Yeah, I’m done rambling. If I posted more often, then posts like these would not be necessary. I’m working on it! I promise more pictures of the puppy. If I don’t post them, email me and bug me!

Oracle

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I hate hate hate when I just KNOW something is going to happen that I don’t want to happen. I hate sitting back and just watching it unfold and being powerless to do anything. I hate dealing with the aftermath, I hate pretending to be pleasant about it.
But hey, at least i was right. Right?

Goddammed Motherfucking Son of a Bitch

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We all know my feelings about ‘artists’ and their ‘artwork’ when it involves the looping video presentation outside my office. Well some talentless hack asshole has set up an entire week’s worth of looping videos. Something new every day.
Monday was a video of him sleeping, snoring loudly with an alarm clock beeping incessantly.
Tuesday gave us a looping video of him talking and pointlessly pretending to be ‘talking’ to people who might be in the gallery. Problem was, he couldn’t really think of what to talk about so he would just whistle to fill space.
Wednesday was him pretending to be a runway model with a soundtrack of thumping hipster techno music. just him, over and over again pretending to model and changing his clothes on camera.
Today is especially cryptic and pointless. Lots of moving cameras in different locations, some footage of an aerobics class, some bits of the opening riff to ‘One Night in Bangkok’. Lots of blathering. Nothing interesting.
Is there an artistic point to any of this? maybe i’m not qualified to answer that, but frankly it just looks like an exercise in mental masturbation by a guy who probably watches himself in the mirror when he jerks off.
God, I hope he graduates soon. His entire artistic ‘career’ here at the school has been tiring and pointless. Yes, guy, we totally know that blood for oil is a bad idea, yes atrocities are committed all over the world. Hey, why don’t you get all up in my face again with your displays about sex and violence. Also, why don’t you go fuck yoursef. Oh wait, you already are with every fucking piece of shit you put on display.
And you wanna know the biggest difference between him and I? At least I fucking recognize that I’m not an artist. He’s seriously making me rethink my stance about bringing guns on campus. No, I don’t want to shoot him (tempting though the thought may be), I want to shoot that fucking VCR and make him watch his futures end.
(does it turn you on when i make obscure sci-fi references?)
(man it felt good to rant)