I found this in an old email this morning. I think I should take up a career writing eloquent if perplexing death threats to people
When your times comes, and it will, as it does for everyone, it will be sanguinely graceful and viscerally stunning. Universes will collide in imitation of your offal display.
I promise
Let me know if you’re looking to hire for something like this (just the death threat writing, I have to have a personal stake in the issue if I’m going to carry it out).
Dear You
I want you to come over and color in coloring books and eat tofu and spin me around to make me giggle and laugh that surprised laugh that shows all your teeth and hug me quiet and watch a movie and poke fun and hold my hand and eat some dessert and tolerate the dog and smile.
xoh
Sweet Songs
Two very sweet songs that I fell in love with this weekend… Butterfly and California both by Mason Jennings my new favorite musician.
Nice.
Now if only I could do something about this anxiety life would be damned sweet.
Chicago
Aaah, so what did I do this weekend…
Grabbed David and drove like hell to Chicago (after dropping the dog off at my dad’s, getting coffee, putting air in my tires, getting gas, spilling coffee, getting more coffee, adding windshield washer fluid and buying more lighters).
It was a typical Chicago trip for me…I spent about 35 million hours at the Shedd aquarium, dinner, shopping, and cheap baked goods at Chinatown, Sears Tower at night, brunch, wine shopping, room service, all manner of fun stuff. Also, introduced to new music, all good, will share more about that later.
I’m giddy happy right now. All kinds of goofy stuff that makes me shake my head and laugh.
The world is full of mirth, people, it’s worth it to find some and hold on to it.
The Thin Pink Line
You take all the precautions necessary, lord knows you do. You’re completely careful, you know the rules.
You know the rules and yet there you are, alone in the house, alone in the bathroom, pushing the dog away with your foot and peeing on a plastic stick.
You’re careful, you take precautions, but 5 days is a long time.
5 days is a long time, so is 5 minutes.
You fidget, play with your hair, put lotion on the remains of that constellation of pimples over your lip, check the stick, compose this entry in your head, look at your nail polish, check the stick, look for wrinkles, check the stick.
The first pink line shows up.
What are your options? What are you going to do if that second pink line shows up? Who would you tell? Who would you never tell, not even in a million years?
Would you tell him?
5 days is a long time…so is 5 minutes.
No, really, what are your options? Your life isn’t just in flux, your life is a fucking tornado that shows no sign of abating. Look around you, you’re standing in the middle of a room covered in the brown confetti of recently chewed toilet paper tube. You can’t even keep your dog from making a mess in the time it takes you to shower. Speaking of the dog, when are you going to cut his nails? And did you get his heartworm medication this month? Wait, here’s a good question…just how close to punching the shit out of him were you when he chewed your security blanket? Think about it, your option here is pretty clear.
Sucks, doesn’t it? Sucks to have the obvious answer to the question be the one answer you never wanted. If your most intimate wish is granted and you refuse the offer, do you ever get a second chance? How does karma play on this? Maybe you should rethink this.
Or just check the fucking stick again.
First pink line is very clearly there. The circle is blank. There is no second pink line.
There is no second pink line.
Your best friend calls right as you confirm this. You tell him, relieved, feeling silly for worrying. He understands, though, talks you through.
Secretly, 15 minutes later, you check again.
Just to be sure.