Oh dear god, a lot can certainly happen in a few hours and emotions must be left on the side of the road if you are to survive.
It all started with me in the restroom attending to my bodily needs when my boss shouted that the ants had arrived for the ant farm that we had purchased months before. Immediately, toilets were flushed, glee was expressed, and packages were opened.
The first order of business was to set up their new home. Without going into too much detail, this is a messy, gritty, wet process that should never be done with children. The ants had to be placed in the refrigerator for 15 minutes to make them docile and less apt to skeletonize you as you attempt to place them in their new quarters.
We set up the farm and it was time to unleash the awesome power of ants. As per the instructions, I gently tapped the ants into the village where they lay in a mahogony heap Most people were unimpressed with this, and had to be assured that the ants were not dead and would become active as soon as they warmed up.
Like a mother watching her child take his first steps after a debilitating surf board accident, I almost wept as I saw the once lifeless heap of ants become a seething mass of hexapodinal energy. Soon the ants dispersed and began to check out their territory. There weren’t as many dead ants as I expected, but there were a few sick ones twitching and rolling about. Their death convulsions were met with vague ant interest.
Initially the ants seemed to fear the tubes that guided them to the other parts of the village. One would trek halfway out and then scurry back, then another would try it and get a few steps farther and rush back to the safety and companionship of his home base. Eventually, fear was overcome and full exploration has commenced.
Since I am not a cheapass I went all out and got the “Ant Farm Membership”. It cost more but it was worth it. In my package I received double the ants, ant food, an ant activity book, an ant feeding schedule and a full color poster that depicts ants at work and play and also has an ant anatomy chart complete with brain, rectum and nerve cord. The poster is beautiful and suitable for framing.
After 3 hours my ants have settled in and have started their new lives. Hopefully they will notice all of the ways their new home is preferable to their old home. First, they will appreciate the stunning lack of anteaters. Secondly, this is no normal sand. It is some sort of cindery, vermiculite stuff that is exceptionally light and easy to carry. Third, they should take a moment to appreciate the visual motifs laid out for them. There are 2 farms to choose from for the natural feeling ant who just wants to get back to nature. In addition to our stately contryside manors, we also have a busy city, complete with mini cars and buildings. They can feel free to re-enact their post-apocalyptic fantasies right there in their own home.
Already the ants have set up a little ant graveyard to accomodate their fallen comrades. We tip our hats to those brave ant souls who tried their best and gave their all when that was all they had.
Since the ants are all female, I am looking forward to some hot girl ant on girl ant action. Discovery Channel and The Spice Channel have come together to bring you the hottest ant porn ever seen!!!