Category Archives: Doogles

FURTHER proof that jesus not only hates me but is actively seeking to destroy me…

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I woke up this morning to find that some time in the night ghengis had gotten up and taken a series of bloody shits on the carpet.
Now, two things:
1) how did I know it was ghengis and not maddie since maddie has a history of shitting blood and ghengis does not? well, first of all, a dog owner knows her dog’s poop. I mean I hate to be graphic, but really it’s too late. Secondly, maddie has a gigantic asshole and as such tends to leave fewer but larger deposits. Ghengis has a dime slot for a butthole and that was in evidence in the um…evidence
2) what the fuck is going on that I have 2 dogs shit blood in such a short period of time? Yeah, it took me by surprise too! Then I started to think about the common factors between the two situations. They’re eating different food than they were when maddie had her episode. They play with different toys, ghengis chews hard things, maddie squeezes stuffed animals. What IS common is that they were both on Cephalexin before this happened, maddie on it for her feet and ghengis for his ear infection. I think it’s pretty safe to say that Cephalexin will cause your dog to shit blood on your carpet.
It’s pretty clear now that jesus hates me. It’s made better by the fact that I have access to borrow for free the industrial carpet cleaner with the kick ass cleaning chemicals. This thing cleans carpets in dorms for fuck sake. Anything that can clean, and survive, a dorm carpet can handle this.
it does mean I had to postpone my bbq to sunday afternoon. So, if anyone wants roasted veggie salad on grilled bread (sort of a panzanella fresca), skewered shrimp, grilled stone fruit with goat cheese and pancetta, and vanilla ice cream with grilled pineapple let me know! Sunday at 1pm. There will be beer.

infectious

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I’m leaving town in a couple days and the dogs decide to pick NOW to get ear infections. What the hell? Right? SERIOUSLY!! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL.
Each dog has an ear infection, but each dog is infected with something different. Maddie has her typical yeast infection, she gets them regularly enough. Ghengis has a bacterial infection. Lucky Emily gets to clean their ears and put drops in twice a day!
Tell me again why I have dogs, because I’m forgetting.
OH!! Also!! I fixed the massive accounting problem that had been plaguing me this week!! YAY!! and holy shit that hurt my head. On the other hand I finally learned the difference between a budget transfer and a journal entry! So, yay me!

Oceanic Rectum

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1) We booked my tickets to New Orleans this evening! I’m very excited again. I love New Orleans.
2) And here is a recipe for you:
Mexican Chocolate Ice Cream
2 disks Abuelita chocolate, chopped
2 cups heavy cream
2 eggs
3/4 cup sugar
1 cup milk
2 tbl brewed espresso
heat cream to simmer, add to chopped chocolate and whisk until the chocolate
is dissolved. Chill to cold.
Beat eggs and sugar until the sugar is dissolved, to ribbon stage. Add milk
and espresso.
Add egg mixture to chocolate mixture. Mix well.
Freeze in your ice cream maker.
3) The dogs have taken to fighting over rawhides. Assholes.
4) Lily, you are a dear, sweet, wonderful girl. Don’t forget it.

PTSD averted

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Once again this morning I was grateful I had dogs instead of kids. I mean beyond the standard “my dogs will never deal drugs, watch anime porn or deplete the greater Wichita metropolitan area of it’s itinerant worker population using a crude but effective shiv he formed himself using an empty Schlitz can”.
No, this morning it was a much cruder sentiment. First, let me set up. On the weekends I keep my alarm clock on for the same time it goes off during the week. I don’t necessarily get up with it, but I find that if I wake up once in the morning then it prevents me from sleeping til 3 in the afternoon and wasting my day.
Anyway, the alarm goes off this morning at 7am the way it always does. I lay there for a bit trying to figure out what the fuck is going on and why the hell am I dreaming about delayed shuttle launches. Slowly it seeps in that the alarm is going off, it’s not monday, if I turn it off I can go back to sleep! Huzzah for the shopkeep!
I own a king sized bed, a big bed, I can’t just reach the alarm from where I sleep (sprawled out across the middle) I must roll to it. As luck would have it, Ghengis is quite often between me and the alarm if David isn’t there. I rolled my doughy fatitude over him, hit the alarm and went back to sleep. Ghengis reacted by making his mudgeon noise, stretching and cuddling into my back.
Ghengis won’t remember it at all.
Now, if I had a child who somehow managed to get in my bed and I was naked (which I wouldn’t be if my kid was in my bed, but let’s just go with the model as it stands), if ghengis were a child (a human child) I suspect that they would react in the same way initially and then…
then 20 years later you would find the full grown version of that child lying fetal on the kitchen floor and weeping, a can of Pilsbury biscuit dough exploded on the counter. This sudden trigger of memory will cost me thousands in therapy bills.
Dogs are better than kids!