Today is a day of amazing anger. I am having the worst time keeping it in check. I want my little dog back. I want to kick and punch and scream until he breathes again. I want everyone to hurt as much as I do.
I want to hit everyone who doesn’t
I want my dog back

I underestimated. I thought Maddie would be confused but be fine.
Her pack order is all fucked up, she is reverting to her previous seperation anxiety behaviors. Oh, Maddie, I am so sorry. Not right away, but soon, I will find you another friend.

Grief is a sword without a handle that you swallow and cannot remove. Grief is the inside of your heart shattering and the shards circulating through your body ceaselessly. Grief is an ever growing lead weight in your chest that you cannot vomit up.
If you have a headache you can take a pill, a stomachache can be puked away. Anger can be walked off and joy shared with many.
Grief is inescapable. It is always there. You do what you can to distract yourself, but at any moment a rage of memories will flood through your mind and the pain peaks once again.
Yesterday, many people cried for Ghengis, even a gruff old carpenter stood at my desk and cried with me. Ghengis was so loved by so many people and his loss will be felt for a long time.
Right now, his loss is felt as an amazing, searing pain in my chest that I can ignore for short spurts but cannot escape. I am incredibly lucky to have David here. His ability to comfort me through this is what keeps me going.
I appreciate all of the kind words and sentiments. It shows that not only was Ghengis loved but so am I and so are David and Maddie.

The decoy maneuver is one of Ghengis’s finest tricks. I’m incredibly proud of him for not only tricking Maddie (not hard at all) but for also tricking me. It took me a long time to figure out he was just doing this to get a place at my side, not to warn us of possible invasion.
The Scenario: I am home sick today. I’m curled up on the sofa with my coffee, my crochet projects and the Alien Quadrilogy playing. Maddie is curled up next to me. Ghengis is napping on the loveseat on the other side of the room.
The Issue: Ghengis would certainly prefer to be the one curled up next to me as I provide considerably more warmth than the blanket he is nesting in, but Maddie is already there and if he pulls the ‘Jerk Maneuver’ it will entail at least 15 minutes of roughhousing with Maddie and she still might not give up the seat.
The Solution: The only viable solution, as he sees it, is the Decoy Maneuver. The DM has Ghengis growling, hackles up and running around. Maddie will react as expected, she will get up and investigate looking for the possible interloper. She must protect the den! Maddie gets up, Ghengis takes her seat at my side, Maddie moves to the loveseat.
Possible Issues: If Ghengis is too urgent in his barking he’ll get yelled at by me to shut the hell up. If he is too subtle Maddie will switch into Blocker Mode where she presses her entire body across mine in an effort to either keep me safe or get her own protection.
Known Factors: Ghengis knows that unless there is actual angry fighting (as can happen over peanut butter, though it is entirely rare) I will not get involved in their disputes or referee for them. I don’t care how they determine pack order as long as they acknowledge I am the Alpha. Ghengis also knows that Maddie will not put up a fight for the seat as she prefers the “Hippo Maneuver” wherein she just forces her way onto Ghengis and squeezes him out.