Author Archives: bubbo

oh my god, it’s true

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Don’t go grocery shopping when you are hungry. Especially don’t go grocery shopping at 11pm on a Saturday night after you’ve spent the entire day doing but lazing in bed, crocheting, surfing the net or lazing…AND ESPECIALLY if all you’ve eaten all day is 1 box of candy hearts in español left over from last valentines day, some cashews and 4 shots of espresso over coffee ice cream.
We got some apples and bananas and pineapples…thus ended the reasonable portion of the trip. Prepackaged bbq ribs, 4 boxes of Hormel sausages with Tabasco, 1 pack of brats, 1 pack of cheddarwurst, 2 rope sausages, 5 pizzas, 2 boxes of cereal, 1 box of fudgesicles, 1 box of Kemps Float Bars, 2 kinds of croutons, a caramel apple (i wanted 2, David slipped on back into the bin. Grumpface), 5 packs of pudding cups, and…oh the shame…prepackaged iceberg lettuce!
this is why I am fat.
There used to be days where the conveyor belt was pretty much just squash and kale and zucchini and fennel and carrots and maybe a little pork roast for me. The worst thing we would buy would be the occasional box of mac and cheese or some ice cream. I’ve fallen so far! It was so easy too. I don’t watch tv, i’m not constantly inundated with commands to shove “current popular processed cheese food flavor snack chip” in my mouth. I don’t have to consider my placement in society based on my beverage purchase.
Hell, I don’t even have the urge to cook anymore. Half the time I’m looking for something that will fit in my mouth and isn’t fuzzy.
hmmmm maybe I should get a carbon monoxide detector…because something MUST be breaking my head.

the things they told me

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When I was very young a neighbor girl, I thought she was much much older, but she was probably 12is, I wasn’t quite 4 yet, was with me. We were looking through her fridge and I spied the ReaLemon awesome plastic lemon shaped lemon juice dispenser.
“what’s that?”
“it’s poison”
hmm, poison. I spent a lot of time mulling that over. I’m talking years spent thinking about this. Why would they sell poison in the produce section? why would they put poison in a food shaped container? Why would people need poison?
Where was the Mr Yuk sticker????
Around the same time I was told the bottle of Karo syrup in the cupboard was medicine. This also perplexed me, but to a lesser extent. Medicine wasn’t strange, I could accept that. I was the kid who frequently climbed on the kitchen counter to chug the Pepto-Bismol. It was pink and awesome! Also, I had a sister who got frequent colds and ear infections, the children’s prescription pink medicine…also chugged.
wait…Flintstone vitamins? eaten at every chance! Children’s aspirin! AWESOME!! Vaseline? peculiar but edible. Bowls of mayonnaise? Not what I was expecting but better than Vaseline. Dish soap? NOT AWESOME!
Why did I have so much free time? I mean we didn’t helicopter parents then, we were often left to play on our own. But, man, there was a lot of unstructured time there. I guess it’s lucky I didn’t overdose on something…I guess that’s why we have helicopter parents now.

owie ow ow ow

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Yeah, as I mentioned before, got me a bladder infection. A whopper of a bladder infection. I will spare you the (intensely) gory details, but this is the second day I have not been to work because of the pain. The only thing that has really taken the pain away is Ambien, not because it is a painkiller but because it lets me sleep through the pain.
David brought me my meds last night, to be taken with food. I had already taken my Ambien and gone to bed. He woke me to take my pills and also gave me a piece of bread with peanut butter and def strawberry jam. I kept falling asleep and getting jam on my hand.
On the bright side I started and finished the Float Away for myself and started the Chanson en Crochet probably also for me, but I don’t know yet. Today I will try to take pictures and get things posted.
I also made a prototype corset style coffee cup holder. I gave it to Mary on the condition that she try it out, give me notes on what needs to be changed and also see how much interest there is in it. I am also going to come up with some patterned coffee cup holders, most likely some with pirates (people love pirates) or swear words or something.
I need to go take my pills and lay down.
PS the doctor warned me that one of the meds would make my pee orange. Okay, cool. OH SHIT! I did not even comprehend the definition of ORANGE until today. It’s like my bladder houses the cosmic orange color factory and is distributing the orange color to the world via my standard household plumbing! Every single thing in the universe, past-present-future, is getting its orange color from the cosmic orange color factory in my bladder. How does it color the past? Quantum physics!

yeah…why not

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“Things I Hate” is back again, earlier than expected. Today I am going to step off the Noble Eightfold Path and romp in the brambles and stinkweed of the not-so-noble big asshole path.

  • Casey Affleck’s voice. I’m listening to an interview with him right now. I want to put him in a room with John Mayer and they can discuss life without testicles.
  • News burnout. Every morning the Iraqis blow themselves up, Musharraf straightens a crease from his jacket and we say ‘oh, how civillized’, Putin sinks deeper and deeper into fantastical spy novel behavior and bumps off his detractors with defenestration and polonium 210, the Palestinians struggle against the entire planet to get their country back and they will never succeed because you cannot win against the entire planet. It wears me out. It is exhausting to listen to the news, to hear about what is happening and and know there is nothing that can be done. The Israelis will continue to poke the Palestinians for their own amusement, Putin will even crazier ways to kill people and say “what? me? no way! I am crazy for awesomeness!”, Musharraf will play ‘democratic election’ out of one side of his mouth and ‘military coup’ out the other and Iraq will continue to explode 40 people at a time.
    And all the while, the soil of Darfur will continue to absorb blood in the same disinterested way it always has. That doesn’t even hit the morning news that often, it doesn’t really affect our economy so there’s not much interest.
  • The idea that ‘fair’ and ‘justice’ are pretty much just made up concepts and their definitions can change from nation to nation, person to person, minute to minute. There is no math in ‘fair’ and you cannot calculate ‘justice’. They are not universal. I hate that.
  • Social Anxiety.
  • Forgetting my carrots at home and not being able to have them for lunch.
  • Having to work on the days that are the most perfect days for the dog park
  • that I don’t live in the bizarro universe of high powered CEOs. If I make a huge mistake at work that will cost the company millions of dollars I will get fired and would probably never work again. In bizarro big money universe a CEO can grossly miscalculate the subprime mortgage market, screw his company and retire and live on lollipop island. An Island funded by a gigantic multimillion dollar golden parachute.
    and while I am on the subject, let me never ever hear that a large corporation (Wal-mart) can’t pay their employees more or provide benefits or humane working environments because spending that money would make them less competitive. I don’t want to hear that so long as the people on the top are making such obscene salaries. you live in an 8 million room super moon house? you can’t afford to have your products produced by people making a living wage? hmmmmmm you can have polo shirts constructed by uneducated vietnamese orphans for about $1.50 a unit and you can sell them for $37 each? but you can’t pay the kids more because….why? you need more space toilets in your house? Man, entire fucking nations need to unionize because so long as there is a glut of poverty stricken, uneducated people willing to work for 12 cents a day and a sheet of scratch and sniff stickers, companies are going to continue these practices (and say “oh look at how good we are! we brought 12 cents and some stickers to this previously impoverished neighborhood! it doesn’t matter that if one gets sick or injured they are just fired and replaced! Americans need their $37 shirts!”).
  • Ghengis is dead