Eat my crunchy subjects and know the pleasure of natural bowel regularity.
Teddy is one of the best websites I have been to in a long time. The design is outstanding and the story is both painful and poignant. It is written by Ethan, a phenomenal wordsmith that I met through Email Roulette.
Mad props to Spoober for creating Email Roulette and hooking me up with some dandy fine people.
Confidential to Ethan: I’m pretty sure your mom isn’t dead, but I can change that real quick if I need to.
I had 2 dreams this weekend involving sex and Mr. Brady. I was not having sex with Mr. Brady, I was trying to have sex and he was there dispensing advice.
I shudder to think of what dream analyses would say about that.
I also dreamed that I was swimming in the ocean in a yellow bathing suit and a pair of stilleto heels. I was part of a group that swam in the ocean and jumped on to freight ships that went by and stole stuff off them.
The funniest thing I heard all weekend…
“If I had a dick, I’d name it ‘Ice Scraper.'”
You know what kind of person I want to be when I grow up? I want to be the kind of person who goes to a potluck and brings the “Kitty Litter” cake and thinks it is clever and funny. Then I want to spend the rest of the afternoon pretending to be scandalized when people eat the “cat poop”. Won’t that be amusing. I will wear my puffy paint sweat suit combo and slip my oversized sunglases into my cute embroidered purse that says “Grandmas are just antique little girls”.
Hopefully, I will have enough presence of mind to slit my wrists and walk into traffic before I get to that point.