Sometimes you have to yell the strangest things. “WE DO NOT HUMP DOGS IN THIS HOUSE!”. How do you explain to a 2 year old dog that it’s okay for the people to hump but it is not okay for him to hump Maddie. I mean I guess if she was into it….but she’s not. She’s just not down with the Ghengis-hump. She likes him and everything, she just doesn’t see him that way. It’s not him, it’s her.
This is kind of a new thing in the Ghengis/Maddie dynamic. I mean, sure, G went through a rather extended (and upsetting) hump-phase. I share the details with the people I’m upset with in order to upset them (with legs as short as his, he’s hung to the floor). Eventually, after I got his nuts lobbed off, he stopped.
Now, 7 months after Maddie joins us he starts up. I don’t know if it’s a dominance game for him or if he’s just doing some standard regression right before he turns 2. Who knows. All I know is that I find myself yelling things like “we do not hump dogs in this house” and “hey! humping is for people!” too often. I wonder if my neighbor can hear me.
Also, the weight loss mystery has been solved. I’ve mentioned before about how too many people say that I look like I have lost weight even though it would not be possible at all (if it were possible, I’d make a million dollars on my dorito and ice cream and coffee and cigarette and chicken fingers diet). I had to ponder what the deal was. I’m not losing weight, my clothes don’t fit me any differently. So what’s the deal?
The deal is that I have a fat personality! When I am not around, people think of me, but they imagine me as much fatter than I am. When I show up later they’re surprised that I’m not nearly as fat as the picture in their head and they think I have lost weight. It’s the only explanation that makes sense.
I’m fat on the inside, and it shows!
Category Archives: Blab
photos
I know I need to be updating the photos on the sidebar. I currently have almost 4800 photos in iPhoto to choose from. The problem is that 4700 of those are dog photos. If I had my way I’d post dog photos every damned day.
and the funny thing is, this is my website. MY website. It’s not a democracy here, it’s not even a representative republic. No way, my website is a petty dictatorship with a population of 1. I can post whatever the hell I want in there.
But of course I have to understand that posting whatever the hell I want (pictures of dogs or pictures of my cleavage) would result in U.N. sanctions and possibly some carpet bombings.
Maybe I’ll give in, share the photos and suffer the consequences! God knows I’ve got nothing much going on since it’s winter.
How tough are you now
Oh, where’s the grey hair now? Where is it? Where did it go? There’s no grey hair anymore, oh no! My hair’s not grey, my hair is bright pink and blonde. Fuck you, grey hair! Fuck you in your tarty, maligned, treason-y ass!
SO I gave my hair a break and didn’t dye it for a while. Actually, I hadn’t dyed it since the party in august when it was blue. So I dyed it pink. You know what? I need to stick with pink. It’s my color. It suits my skin and my eyes. It’s super cute in the cutest way possible. It’s bright pink but it will fade a bit and become a nice bright, cotton candy pink and stay that way for a while.
Pink.
I got the complete first season of Spongebob Squarepants last night! Thanks, mom! I watched tons of spongebob and dyed my hair and ate popcorn with butter and Franks Hot Sauce. Try it, it’s good.
Today I need pancakes. I think I’ll go rouse the boy and go get some.
ps click the link to the party and look at the pictures. If you’ve been following the comments in the previous post, you will find pictures of Julie and know the absurdity of the entire situation!
I WAS ONLY JOKING
Remember how I joked about being an old lady because I drive my old lady volvo and I crochet and I do all kinds of other old lady things.
Today it’s complete. Today I am old. Today, on Friday the 13th, as the full moon was just beginning to light the sky, Owen, my hairdresser, noticed a “color anomaly” just over my right temple.
a color anomaly.
It’s a nice way to alleviate the kick in my gut when you point out that I have grey hairs growing in. I hadn’t noticed because I had been dying it for so long but over the fall I decided to let the color grow out and give my hair a break.
This is how it repays me. I give it a break and it starts to turn grey. Ouch.
OW OW OW OW OW!
Of course, my face is breaking out like a 15 year old. So I guess that’s a sign of youth.
Or a sign that all the forces in the universe are aligned to crush me from the inside out.
NERD
I’m totally a nerd. You know what I have been doing for the last 4 days? Listening to the senate confirmation hearings for Alito. The best part is that whenever I have questions I email Alex and he sends me answers and explanations and historical perspective.
I swear to god he’s one of the best informed people when it comes to shit like this!
2 conclusions I have reached in this? 1) Our senate is made up entirely of slack jawed tardballs who focus on the wrong things and freak out about nothing. Sure, we can all be upset about the glass in the road but EVERYBODY SEEMS TO NOT SEE THE GREAT BIG CAR CRASH THAT MADE THE GLASS. and 2) Alito is one slippery motherfucker. The man is entirely incapable of actually answering a question. He responds with a lot of words, I think he fucked thesauruses in a former life or something, but he can not address an issue. If they asked him about the previously mentioned glass in the road he would tell you the history of glass making and how it might affect his decision on it’s origin.
I hate them all and I am slowly losing faith in the ideal of the government.
Bastards.
The funny thing? Ted Kennedy sounds exactly like the joke parody accents of him. The man’s a fucking rumball!
This week I learned about stare decisis and unitary executive doctrine. I should be great fun at the next party.