HI HI HI HI HI HI!!! It’s me!

By

HI HI HI HI!!! HI!! HI! I am Chester that is me I know my name! my name is Chester and that is me!
And I know things! The thing that I know is all of the stuff! and I will tell you the things the things that I know. I know I am Chester. The lady is here the lady is helping me! I know all of the stuff but she knows bullet points, that is the thing she knows. she also knows about pink belly! she gives me pink belly.
The things that I know I am Chester and these are the things I know about ALIVE!!

  • if the lady throws something in the air, catch it in your mouth! It might be a cheerios, a cheerios is okay but also it might be a peanut! I like peanuts. They taste like peanut butter biscuit.
  • Sometimes! oh my god! sometimes if there have been much of a lot of the peanuts in the air that I catch and eat!!! Sometimes! The man says “No more Chester peanuts! Grrrrgrrrr GRRRRR! Gross pick up poop!”
  • ha ha ha ha!! POOP!!! he should learn from me! I am alive and I know things about alive and I do not pick up poop! Who picks up poop? ha ha ha ha!
  • ha ha ha OH MY GOD!!! POOP!!! ha ha ha ha!! Do you want to pick up my pee??? HA HA HA HA!!!!
  • My name is Chester and poop is funny!
  • oh oh!! Oh! Oh my god! and today!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?? I know what happened because I know all of the things!
  • OKAY! Okay! listen! the thing that happened was that we went outside to make peewees and poops (ha ha ha!! That poop’s gonna be PICKED UP!!! get it!!!)
  • So I go outside and I am ready to bark but the lady says the words that are “leave it” and that makes me not bark! then she says the truth “good boy” Is funny because I don’t even know what I want to bark at yet but she says that so I don’t bark!
  • BUT!
  • WAIT
  • okay the thing that happened is the thing that I am telling you. I went outside and I didn’t bark but then I saw a SQUIRREL!
  • And the squirrel was RIGHT THERE!! and it was slow! that squirrel was slow and also
  • ALSO
  • that squirrel was damned fat (can I say the word that is damn??)(yes you can)
  • not like the fat that is regular but the fat that is:
  • when that squirrel sits around the tree! it can’t even pick up poop!!!!!
  • HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
  • but then the squirrel said to me!! The squirrel said the thing that was
  • “chk chk chk chk nuuuuuuuuuts? chk chk chk chk nuuuuuuuuuuuuts?”
  • and the thing is!! I know all of the stuff
  • but I didn’t know what the hell! Nuts? I don’t have nuts! they took my nuts!!! Here, pick up poop!!!!
  • I DON’T KNOW!! the squirrel kept saying the thing that was “chk chk chk chk nuuuuuuuuuuts?”
  • And what the hell? because I’m only a little dog but even fat squirrels are littler than me.
  • but then the lady, the lady said the thing that was “hurry up” so I went to go make a poop (pick it up!!! pick up the poop!) and also I had to make peewee. and then Maddie heard the fat squirrel and Maddie went to go look
  • except Maddie can’t look! The squirrel which is so fat it can be seen from PETCO was right about that giant hippo head and the fat fat fatty squirrel was saying “chk chk chk chk chk nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuts?” at Maddie and Maddie just looked at the other yard!!!
  • She doesn’t know anything! She only looks ahead! and the squirrel is not there!
  • OH! then we went inside and Maddie wanted to play herfuffle! Do you know herfuffle? I know herfuffle! it is the game that is played with Maddie!
  • oh yeah! the things that I know!
  • The other night the lady was at the thing that was not my toy and Maddie was under the chair and my peener was under my belly (PEENER JOKE) and the man tickled the lady and pretended to chew on her!
  • and the lady made a noise that was a yell!
  • and Maddie played herfuffle with the man but
  • but Maddie also did barking with the herfuffle and she NEVER DOES THAT!!!
  • um, so I know that Maddie will make the bark in her herfuffle if you make the lady yell!
  • oh! I’m not supposed to make a bed in the ‘cleen lawn-drees’
  • then why are the cleen lawn drees on the bed???

Okay! Hi Hi HI! My name is chester and I have a peener and I have told you the things that are the stuff I know about being alive and how to ALIVE things. OH! Also we made the bullet points so that you would know that it was for real.
But Chester is always for real. My name is Chester.

5 thoughts on “HI HI HI HI HI HI!!! It’s me!”

  2. Aww, hiya chester! Im Hank and I am not as gud at riting as u but now I can sit in my laydees chare in front of hur puter and im lurning to typ;e/
    I wish u wud coom to my houz and play with me cuz i like playing with dogs. I wud play with cats but thay dont no how to play with me. But i reely think u no how to play with me cuz u no so much stuff.
    Wud u pleez coom over and play? I reeely like to play. I like to jump alot and run and Ill lik ur mouth and lay down and let u be in charg if u think Im tooo crazee cuz I reely like to play with dogs. I think u wud like to play with me.
    Heer cooms my laydee. She dozent no I can typ’/e a;nd I want to keep it that way.
    PS; Pleez coom play with me.

  4. Chester,
    I don’t know how much you care for reading, but Dave Eggers has a great short story about a dog named Steven called After I Was Thrown in the River and Before I Drowned…
    “Oh I’m a fast dog. I’m fast-fast. It’s true and I love being fast I admit it I love it. You know fast dogs. Dogs that just run by and you say, “Damn! That’s a fast dog!” Well that’s me. A fast dog. Hoooooooo! I’m a fast dog. Hooooooooooooo! You should watch me sometime. Just watch how fast I go when I’m going my fastest, when I’ve really got to move for something, when I’m really on my way – man do I get going sometimes, weaving like a missile, weaving like a missile between trees and around bushes and then – pop! – I can go over a fence or a baby or a rock or anything because I’m a fast fast dog and I can jump like a fucking gazelle.”
    You should check it out!
    Laura

Comments are closed.