This past weekend I headed off to Chicago for the Stitches Midwest yarn and fiber orgy and to meet up with Ravsters, especially my pantsters.
Highlights from the drive down:

• Got all retarded on the directions to Stevens Point and missed out on Lunch with Squiddy and the Squidlets. Let’s be clear here when I say ‘retarded’, I mean that if there were special ed courses about reading directions carefully BEFORE GETTING ON THE ROAD and not just assuming you know what you’re doing, I would fail those classes.
• tried to save a stray dog. Best I could do was feed him, he wouldn’t let me touch him
• Um, when did the Illinois tolls change from amusing ($.40) to uninvited rectal spelunking?
• ha ha ha oh Chicago traffic! How predictable you are

I finally made it to Lisa’s about 2 hours later than I expected. Her duplex neighbor was outside and when I inquired about finding Lisa she walked me to a different building with a different address despite my protestations. I had to call Lisa and tell her I’d been shoved into the wrong building by some pushy ditz with emotional problems.
Issues worked out, I met up with Lisa and made it to her place. I met 1. the cutest baby girl ever 2. the most fascinating 3 year old i’ve ever talked to 3. the nicest husband dude 4. biggest dog!
Dinner, play with kids, go to sleep, pass out.
The next (Friday) morning I got a whole new respect for parenting. This is not to say I had not previously respected the art of parenting, but, you know, you kind of forget. I hauled everyone out to Wishbone, the awesomest restaurant on the planet. You don’t just skitter on over for a bite to eat when there are 2 little kids involved. There’s a lot of organizing and planning and discussing empty cicada shells and taxis and running in the rain. I carried Fiona, the 14 month old, because I felt it was my duty since I had insisted we go (also, I love love love carrying the babies. seriously, my ovaries were popping left and right this weekend). I immediately started forming a very strong muscle in my forearm near my elbow.
The thing about kids is that they are awesomely unpredictable. Who knows if they are going to find the food awesome or as appealing as tax forms. Also, they have their own ideas about what is interesting. Sitting quietly is rarely on that list (and for good reason!). So, kids move and wiggle and don’t want mac and cheese but do want bacon and they don’t want you to feed them they want to feed themselves (specifically, they want to feed crayons to themselves, also, part of ‘feeding themselves’ includes feeding the floor). Because this is such an uncommon occurrence in my life I just reveled in it.
We cabbed it back and decided to take naps and boom, out for 3 hours! Kids are exhausting! Unlike dogs, they only take one nap a day as opposed to the day BEING a nap with the occasional moments of being alert.
The neighbors came over, John made ribs on the grill, and then I locked everyone out of the house.
Yeah, I locked everyone out of the house, but in my defense, I did not know that the lock was engaged! The day was saved by a lanky 14 year old! Hooray! Then it was back to ribs and pasta salad and wine and trying to get the kids to eat something they like and making sure they didn’t eat crazy stuff like rocks. Then we all got plopsios (popsicles for the uninformed!). At some point in the evening the low doses of meds finally got to me and things got to be too much. John and Lisa were very gracious about this and were not offended that I chose to eat dinner away from the back yard party.
Then more playing with the kids and threats regarding the kidnapping of me and keeping me in the basement so that I might always be available to entertain the kids. Very ‘Silence of the Lambs’. I was tempted to let it happen since it’s been a while since I got the hose
It makes the children laugh ’til ten or else it gets the hose again!
ah, but then it was bed time.
Next up: I am humbled to the core and I buy lots of stuff!