12 12 12 12!

Monday…was there a Monday this week? I don’t remember.
Tuesday….Psychiatrist told me I probably shouldn’t say I’m ‘crazy’. New therapist didn’t talk to me for 10 minutes before deciding I had Attention Deficit Disorder. I don’t have ADD. She sucked but whatever. The dentist blasted all the soft tissue out of my mouth leaving me with a bony interior! Then we had burritos in the back yard with beer and the dogs and sunset.
Wednesday…Anna and I went to OPH for lunch….mmmmmmswedish pancakes (she had bacon pancakes! those are like a sin but not the kind that makes you burn for eternity!) then off to buy the ‘best per yard priced’ yarn for the Ravelympics contest on Ravelry. I have a completely new design in my head and I need to start swatching now! Then we watched David Attenborough and went to the dog park and watched about astronauts and then she went home and I went to bed!
Today is Thursday! Today I learned how to hand spin yarn! Dawn made a spindle for me and had me over today for spinning lessons. I’m going to make a weekly habit of going to Dawn’s, she’s got 3 awesome kids that are so much fun to watch. The fought over who got to frost the cake next, they made birthday cards for their dad, they swam and ate goldfish crackers and got soap all over the bathroom counter and were generally just regular kids.
now I must make order of chaos and get my yarn related projects in order. I can’t work for a while but that doesn’t mean hiding in the house and punishing myself. I am ‘scheduling’ my projects so that I can get things done. boom.

Now you do something for me!

Actually, it’s not for me. My friend Julie is participating in the Weekend to end Breast Cancer. This is huge deal. Julie will be raising money and then walking 60k over 2 days to raise awareness of this disease.
You can help by making a donation to help her reach her fundraising goal. Do this, not for me or for Julie, but do this to help continue the fight against breast cancer.

The quick and the ugly

some stuff happened two weeks ago, people have been asking for explanations or details or whatever. This is the best I can do right now.
I went crazy, as a result I lost my job.
In a nutshell (ha! I’m so punny) that’s the most distilled version. The longer version is still being worked out.
I’ve been actively fighting demons in my head since I was about 10. That’s 25 years of fighting, and the last seventeen of those years have been actively hiding the worst of the worst from the world. It’s exhausting, really really exhausting. Eventually, all of my mental strength was being used on keeping everything seeming normal. I could not do anything else, like work.
This has not been an easy time, obviously. I do not have the words to describe what David means to me. I’ve shared this story before, but I will tell it again as it accurately describes the person David is for me when I need him.
A couple summers ago, David and I were down in New Orleans. One day we took a ferry out to Ship Island in the Gulf to spend the day at the beach. There were porpoises and this big crab and some jellyfish. Very quickly, a thunderstorm rolled in and everyone cleared the beach. The safety ranger dude told us we would be safe in the water so long as the lightning did not come close to us. We could not pass up the opportunity to swim alone in the ocean, especially with such a beautiful storm just close enough.
As we swam farther and played I noticed that my feet could no longer touch the bottom, I was too short. I also noticed that David was holding me. He held me and did the swimming so that I only had to lean back and relax. I could enjoy the buoyancy of the ocean and the display in the sky and he held me there.
And that is David. He is not one that says “I’m going to rescue you” or “look at what I am doing for you”. You just slowly realize that when you needed him most, he was already there; that he will hold your head above the water not to be a hero, but because he loves you.
I am more than lucky to have him. I do not know where I would be right now if not for him.
As for my brain? Well, we’re aggressively upping my meds, I have a psychiatrist and a therapist and I can check myself into the hospital as soon as I need to. Do I know about current popular NYT bestselling book on beating the crazies or current popular Oprah guest who specializes in making you not crazy or current popular herbal supplement that cures crazy? No, I probably don’t, but please don’t bug me with it. I am an ardent believer in science and will stick with those things that are proven by accepted scientific standards to be effective. I’m not saying this to be a dick (though if I wanted to be a dick I probably could given that I’m crazy and all) it’s just that…wait, you know what? I am a dick. I don’t buy it. I just don’t believe that cures come in “Currently Popular” or “Bestselling” packages.
Anyway, my health and well being are being monitored. I am taking my medicines and seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and my psychiatrist’s boss.
Will I get better? There is no real “better” with this. It’s not a scale on which we can measure things. Mostly, we are shooting for fighting the demons so that I will once again be able to function as an adult. I do not know how long that will take.
I do not write this to worry people or to gather sympathy or words of encouragement. I write this simply to be informative. Also, apparently, there is much anger amongst my former co-workers. Being that not much information was given out initially, rumors filled the open spaces. I can assure all my friends at MCAD that I was not a sacrificial lamb thrown on the alter of some higher conspiracy. Seriously, there are so few people in this world who can create and maintain an awesome conspiracy and those people just don’t work at MCAD. It’s just one of those things. Big conspiracies are hard to do and if you are really good at them you could be doing better than a little art college in the midwest of course.
I won’t write much more on the topic here. Writing this allows me to mention being home in the middle of the day n a Tuesday without people saying “why aren’t you at work?”. I also just wanted to answer many questions in one jab instead of individually.
Otherwise, you know what? things are going to be okay because I own a frilly pink dress

Oh let’s be realistic here.

Recently, Minnesota’s biggest source of shame and bewilderment, Michelle Bachman, took a trip to ANWR to check out the situation and get behind the the drilling team.
She came back and had this to say:
“It’s almost like you have a kitchen full of little children that are hungry and want to eat,” said the Minnesota Republican, a mother of five and past foster mother of 23. “The pantry has a lock on the door, but the pantry is filled with food.”
Via Star Tribune
Now, I don’t care where you stand on the whole drilling in ANWR debate, but we have to be realistic about this. We’re not little children, pitiful and starving while wholesome and delicious food is being kept from us. Really, it’s more appropriate to say we’re a mass of fat gluttons in the kitchen and the pantry is full of Twinkies and Hot Pockets.
When using that “small pitiful child” metaphor, maybe you should use it in conjunction with a situation that is truly life or death. Like the fact that there’s all this “medical care” out there, but small children don’t have access because there’s no money.
As Americans, this fuel situation really has less to do with bad people starving us to death, but stubborn people with a sense of entitlement. I hate the fucking $4 gas as much as the next person, but I also admit that my car is a gas guzzler and that if I don’t want to pay $88 to fill my tank I will have to drive less.
Being hungry isn’t a reason to be given Twinkies.
Honestly, I can appreciate both sides of the ANWR and I believe that either path will lead to the same end.


Dear Chester,
While I can certainly appreciate that you are so smart that you figured out how to crack open a peanut shell and just take out the actual nuts to eat…I’m kind of wishing you were dumber. Like dumb enough to just eat the whole thing, shell and all.
You know, like most dogs would.
You made a mess, you little weenus!