So, my laptop is still broken which means I still have to use David’s computer. David’s computer is in the basement and with our local temps reaching close to absolute zero, I hate venturing into the basement to use it. Hell, I hate even going down there to do laundry!
Instead of the bulleted list or the endless paragraphs of “first I did this then I did this and then this” I’ll try to break is down into subjects and you can just skip ahead to the subject that interests you most.
Maddie’s definitely on the road to recovery. Every day she becomes a happier and more responsive dog. As such, she’s not putting up with Chester’s exuberant shit anymore. It’s good for the little dogs to get their asses kicked sometimes. They scrabble and wrestle and chase each other around. The massively cold temps make it hard for them to spend any time outside, the dog park is definitely out for now. Chester especially is going a little stir crazy. He has class tonight, hopefully that will wear him out a bit.
I’m terrible at homework, I always have been. I can test well and I learn stuff pretty quickly, I just hate homework. Even easy community ed dog obedience class homework. I hate doing it. Today I will hurriedly make up dog training journal entries for the past week. I suck. But I just can never do homework.
Went to April’s for the Superbowl this year. I’d say the first 14 seconds were way exciting, the rest was just meh. Dang yo, that girl can throw a superbowl party. She stuffed us full of snacks including trashy velveeta dip (the kind with the chili) til we were ready to burst then at half time she and Keith broke out the handmade sausages from Kramarczuk’s and went out on the deck to grill them. It’s 80 billion below and Keith’s out there grilling. To cover the sausages they offered up kraut, and Keith’s wonderful 9 chili chili! I totally wanted to pukify. I’m fat for a reason and I love it.
But it doesn’t end there, no it doesn’t. My sister produced one of the best apple pies I’d ever eaten. Seriously, if ever I need a pie for an occasion, I will go to her.
After the Superbowl they indulged me and we watched the Puppy Bowl. The Puppy Bowl is simultaneously the greatest and most retarded thing on television. Take a room, fake it out to look like a football stadium, hire some cheap actor to pretend to be a ref and fill the place with puppies. It’s like 2 hours of puppies playing. There was a kitty half time show that sort of looked like a dirty titty bar, they should have called it the Pussy Half Time Show, but whatever. During the halftime show we watched the World’s Strongest Man competition and we watched gigantic Swedes flipping cars and running with torpedos. Then back to the Puppy Bowl to watch the cutest puppies do stupidly cute things. I think my favorite was the French Bulldog who was too snooty to play and only peed on the logo midfield.
After that, I waddled home, took two shits and died. That’s how these things happen.
If you keep mentioning pancakes over and over you can convince your boyfriend that you will die without pancakes and he will agree to take you to pancakes. Then you have to convince him that the only pancakes you can eat are OPH pancakes. Nothing else will do. Nothing even comes close to the OPH pancakes and you are willing to stand in the super crowded lobby for 45 hours to get the pancakes. He will agree because he’s a good egg and he won’t even realize you have ulterior motives!
The pancakes were excellent, of course. I do love me some OPH on a Saturday. The ulterior motive was that OPH is by Joann Fabrics, purveyor of cheap mass market yarn. As opposed to my Local Yarn Shop (LYS) which has a plethora of beautiful but super expensive yarns.
With the bevy of new yarn I made a prototype robot scarf for Levi (pictures soon), a super dense ribbed chenille scarf for April (pictures soon) and I am working on a second robot scarf for Jason and another fat pink bunny for a baby in California!
Still working on the lacy beaded scarf, but I needed a break from that. The work is tedious and progress is slow.
In the hopper, a dinosaur purse, a godzilla scarf, a monster scarf, a totally different flower purse.
My boss threatened to call a department meeting and have me voted off the island. In response I pointed out that I only need to show up with a platter of maple nut sticky rolls and I’d win. Also, in retalliation for his betrayal of my heart, I told everyone that his birthday is tomorrow. Threaten me and I’ll jack you big time.
Of course, now he’s all “let’s form an alliance and split the money!”.
Valentines Day is coming up and I’m so psyched (can I still say PSYCHED? do the cool kids still say that? Is there a different hip work I should be using? I never know.). I am one of those truly irritating people that loves Valentines day so very much. I don’t know why. I don’t usually go for Hallmark cutesiness or anything, but I love candy hearts and paper flowers and special dinners. So, the dilemma is that I need to dye my hair and I was thinking of doing green streaks but someone pointed out that I should do pink for Valentine’s Day and save the green for St Patrick’s day. I don’t really care about St Patrick’s day, so being green for that isn’t really a goal and also, I usually don’t go for color coordinating things.
So I guess I’m going for green.
Every time I go to Blockbuster I see a DVD for a guy called Larry the Cable Guy and in this movie he is a health inspector. I’m so fucking confused about this. Why is a cable ‘guy’ working as a health inspector? Are health inspectors allowed to wear ripped, sleeveless flannel shirts? I would think there would be some sort of dress code to be a health inspector. But why does he call himself a cable guy if he is a health inspector??? What the fuck is this? The best I can figure is that his true calling is to install cable but it doesn’t have good health benefits so he has to be a health inspector which doesn’t pay well but does have health insurance. With the two jobs he is able to make enough money to live on and maintain and modicum of health.
I would like to believe that the movie itself is a commentary on the absurdity of living in one of the wealthiest nations with one of the best healthcare systems and not actually being able to access it because you somehow have not “earned” enough money.
Sadly, I think I am wrong.

2 thoughts on “Catsup…ketchup

  1. Larry the cable guy is from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour which if you were white trash, you would KNOW this. And laugh a lot. I know this because I got Corncob on my mother’s side. My father?…he dated Pat Kelly, Grace’s sister…the possibilities unexplored.

  2. I think it really has to do with Larry being so respected for installing cable in a redneck town that the leap to health inspector would seem appropriate to the locals. In fact, in I Falls, that would not only seem normal, but health inspector would seem like a waste of Larry’s talents and Mayor would seem much more appropriate. This is a town where a local tourist attraction is the Giant Thermometer.
    I think that what Larry the Cable Guy really a commentary on how in a nation this wealthy, education still remains extremely substandard resulting in pockets of America who think that Nacho Cheese Doritos are an important part of the dairy food group, and “I’m Goin to Hire a Wino to Decorate our Home” is the song that everyone considers to be great entertainment.
    I laugh too, but sometimes with a pang or two of dispair.

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