This is a review of work done by my very good friend, Ethan. I’ve known Ethan for some years now, and I’ve watched him create a lot of incredible art in that time.
Is it wrong to feel pride and joy when your friends are given such accolades? I hope not.

Best fun ever???? Watching Alias with a good friend 2000 miles away!
Thanks Alex! Thank you.

So the other day I’m thinking about what I’m going to post for my birthday. Birthdays depress me, they remind me that I’m getting older and older and tireder and tireder. Or something.
Last year, my 30th was fantastic. I hated the idea of leaving my 20’s but I ready for my 30’s. I saw my 30’s as a time to do all the things I could not or did not do in my 20’s.
Things change though. I had plans for my 30’s, a vision for how things would turn out. Divorced and childless was not how I saw it when I closed my eyes. 31 was gearing up to be a really depressing birthday.
But it wasn’t. Not at all. I could be dwelling on all the ways in which my life has changed in ways I didnt want it to, I could mope, and be pissy and all that. Actually, I was for a while, and it wasn’t fun. I can’t change things back to where I want them, and it’s really pointless to dwell on all that could have been. In the past few weeks I’ve made some decisions, some brought relief, some were emotional, all were satisfying.
One of the decisions was to emotionally extricate myself from those things that cannot reciprocate. A few friends are in that category (hence the mulling of friends previously). The big thing was the house. As much as I love this house and all it represented, it was just a house and what it represents isn’t there anymore. Along with the house goes the items inside. We started the dividing of the stuff this week and I just let things go. I pulled all the emotion out of it, just saw it as stuff, really only want to keep what’s practical to me. Sure, there are things I want that I can’t have, but I’m getting other things and everything can be replaced.
The big decision, however, the one that has just brought my focus back was leaving the state. I’ve always wanted to move away, first Chicago years ago, more recently Savannah. I’ve always wanted to get out of here, but never really had the opportunity. Now I do. The house is being sold, I have a reasonable amount of equity to be put back into another house, the new place does not have to be here.
I’m packing up and moving to Baltimore. As far as I can tell, people do not move to Baltimore to reinvent their lives, but Baltimore is all about practicality. I kept making lists of what I needed in a city, I needed ocean nearby (not beaches, just ocean), I needed a better winter than Minnesota’s (which could be anywhere, really) and I needed people that I knew. Several cities were coming up as 2 out of 3. I was lamenting to a friend that DC would be a perfect choice as it fits all 3, but I can’t afford it. He recommended Baltimore and after a bit of research I’ve come to believe that he is wise in all things.
So Baltimore it is.
I have something to focus on now. I have a direction to point myself in. I know what the goal is and now I am working out the plan. New life, new city, new vision. Now that these decisions have been made, I feel a bit more free. Now when someone or something pisses me off I can quietly mumble, “fuck you i’m moving to baltimore”. Cut me off in traffic? fuck you i’m moving to baltimore. Run out of cigarettes in traffic? fuck you i’m moving to baltimore. Chew a hole in my new shirt, pee on the rug and chase the cats? fuck you i’m moving to baltimore. Oh, shit, yeah the puppy’s coming with too, I guess.
I didn’t mean for this to get so long, dang.
Essentially, I had a fantastic birthday. I had breakfast with my dad, saw a baseball game with my friend Alan, had a great dinner with Jen and Alan, and drank pretty much constantly through the day. I got great presents from people, and more importantly, I got great birthday wishes.
Sorry I wrote so much, but, fuck you, I’m moving to Baltimore.

Am I the only one who heard the news of Reagan’s death and just said, “oh…huh, god for him”?
I have no real memory of him except that time he was shot or the time he fired all the air traffic guys. I don’t know, does this make me a bad person? Yeah, probably.

When your life changes you start thinking about things of great importance. Today I ponder friends. Not the tv show.
Of course, there are 2 ends to the spectrum, those who have lots of friends, none of them super close and those who have few friends, but the friends they have they are very close to. You fall somewhere in the spectrum. Me, I have lots of acquaintances, but very few close friends. The close friends that I have, I am very close to.
I don’t make friends easily, I’m terribly shy and tend to question people’s motives at first. When I do make friends I invest a lot of time and emotion into the relationship and it is exactly because of this emotional investment that I am wary of people at first. Don’t put yourself out there to get hurt and all that.
This emotional investment that I make in my friends also leads to extremely high expectations. I’ll not invest in someone who can not return in kind what I have given. I expect loyalty, I expect honesty, I expect the same level of emotional support that I give out.
There are always disappointments and misunderstandings along the way. It’s inevitable, shit happens. Unfortunately, I react strongly. I’ve got no time or patience for people who want to be friends but can’t give what I give. Is this fair? Probably not.
The thing is, it’s easy with newer friends to just cut them off, to tell them no more and then not talk to them again. Easy. With older friends things get more difficult. You have to ask yourself if a)your perception of them had been way off the whole time, b)they changed drastically or c)you changed drastically. it gets harder, and sometimes you don’t cut them off, but just slowly pull away.
On the other hand there are the acquaintances that very suddenly become good friends because they did for you more than you ever expected and you realize that they like you, sincerely. These are friends you hold on to.
Funny how relationships with people work.
oh, and, no this is not a veiled reference to anyone in my life, so stop trying to find yourself in here. It’s just a ramble about friends.