What the hell is wrong with me?

What the hell was I thinking? Tell me that? I start every day with a homemade latte consisting of 4 shots of espresso and an equal amount of soymilk. It seems like a lot and yet you don’t want to see me without it.
So today I had my coffee, then at lunch I had my green tea. This is normal for me. Then I went to meet Jen at the coffee shop and foolishly ordered a drink with 3 shots of espresso in it. What the hell!?! I am literally sitting here vibrating and my chest feels tight.
I need a highly trained monkey or something to sit on my shoulder at all times and remind me to stop making stupid decisions. This monkey should not shit on my shirt.

Silly sex fiend

There is this giant ant outside, one of those “i’m a big ant on the prowl for a girl ant to start my own colony” kind of ants. You know, as opposed to the smaller “i’m a regular sized ant on the prowl for some food to feed my queen” kind of ant. this giant ant (just over an inch long) is crawling up my window in search of a lovely queen ant with which to get it on.
If i had a way to talk to him i would let him know that sex is almost never up. You almost always have to go down for the loving.
Also, I feel he should be warned that hanging out on the bird feeder is really only going to introduce him to a horny chickadee looking to score with a picky girl chickadee.