The Earth as a Catbox

Last night, in an effort to ‘set the mood’ I dug out some candles, set them about the room and lit them. One of the candles was from a Feng Shui gift set we had received some time ago. The candle was labelled “Earth” and I thought “Well, what sets the mood better than the planet we habitate?”.
I lit the candles (including my ‘Sagrado Corazon de Jesus’ candle, because you really can’t go wrong with that one) and waited patiently. Soon I detected a slight funk in the air. Not the good kind of funk that announces an evening of Barry White-frosted love. No, the kind of funk that makes you look suspiciously at the cats. The kind of funk that makes you investigate under the bed. THE KIND OF FUNK that makes you think you should change your underwear, even if they are clean.
I glowered at the cats, looked around the room, and sheepishly considered another shower when I realized what it was. THE EARTH SMELLED. Not the entire planet, but its waxy ambassador in my bedroom. Apparently, when one must consider the properties of Earth that should be distilled and made into a soothing candle, one should look no further than the one spot in the landfill where all cat litter is laid to rest. The essence of Earth is cat pee, my Feng Shui candle told me so.
The worst part, besides trying to maintain the mood in the midst of a feline urine assault is the fact that the candle was thrown out but the noxious odor remains as if to remind me that we all originate from the earth and cats hold supreme power over my little plot.