Category Archives: Doogles

it builds

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ever have that day where you’re like…

  • man, I need to finish that project
  • and THAT project
  • oh my god and THAT project
  • and SHIT! Someone’s birthday
  • oh god and my yarn needs organizing
  • but I have to do the dishes
  • and vacuum
  • and go to Steven’s Point for a weekend
  • oh and Montreal!
  • And Stitches Midwest in Chicago on the absolute worst weekend for me to do anything non-work related
  • and camping
  • AND BUY A HOUSE!!!!
  • and get a physical
  • and an eye exam
  • and dammit! the dentist!
  • and I don’t know if I should go buy the yarn for the new project or finish up this other project
  • and I don’t want to go to work!
  • I have so much that needs to get done
  • but I would rather go to the dog park
  • crap! House buying!
  • I hate packing. can I throw everything away?
  • I hate packing. No really, I hate it.
  • so much to do and I just want to drink my coffee

Today was a day that was a day!

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I came to work to find a GIANT bouquet of flowers on my desk AND in my boss’ office a giant gift bag crammed full of candy!! It was Administrative Professionals Day!! (aka secretary’s day…except I’m not a secretary…secretaries do not sit in 2 hour meetings trying to get the ACTUAL GODDAMNED NUMBERS FOR THE GODDAMNED $16 MILLION CONSTRUCTION PROJECTS. oh, yeah, and a secretary does not make excel play bitch for her…’who’s gonna map utility usage in the dorms for the last five years?? oh you are! yes you are because you are my bitch and I want a pivot table!!’ My job…kinda sexy). I thanked my boss profusely, then I told him to please thank his lovely wife as it was she who remembered and she who purchased all the gifts. She’s pretty good about these things.
THEN I emailed all the other admin assistants and told them to bring their bosses by so that the bosses could feel the shame of not being as awesome as my boss.
THEN I calculated the difference between our previous contract with the electric company and our current contract. Seems we’re not getting the deal we were promised. I called a maintenance supply company and told them to stop faxing to my goddamned phone! and then I sent contracts to the landscaping people and the real estate consultants. Sexy? YEAH!
THEN Anna showed up and we went to Wench where we discussed her sister, how to make seitan, the awesomeness of the dog park, the creepy people of the world and then I think I told her I was going to stick her in a shiny little box and carry her over my head while singing to her. She did not appreciate that. But then I told her about the time that I realized my bread machine looked like rocketmoonship and I put that on my head and ran around pretending to be a rocket. She appreciated that quite a bit more.
THEN back at work I explained to my boss that I had wanted Thursday off so I could do shiny sunshine things but it was going to be rainy and I had to be at work on Friday because it’s the only day my assistant can be in for the pay period and she can’t be there if I am not there so could I take the rest of the day off? YES! So I popped a giant orange gumball and left and drove home listening to Neal Conan be terse with callers that don’t get to the point.
THEN I bit the underside of my tongue (don’t ask)
THEN I took the dogs to the dog park! I like going to the dog park during the day, it’s quieter, more relaxing. There aren’t as many dogs, but there are some and the dogs had fun. And I stood in the sun for an hour.
Then I worked on a lace design (yay)
THEN David brought veggie burgers and beer and we sat out on the front steps and watched the sun set with the dogs and the beer.
NOW we are watching a movie and I am going to work on my project for the Pants Charity Bonanza!

oh do you think

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I forgot my camera last night. I wanted to get pictures of the dogs romping at the dog park. Is there a happier place on earth? If there is, I don’t want to know about it, I don’t think my mind could handle it.
Chester’s becoming snappy with bigger dogs. In many ways this is fine dog to dog language, but no one is really comfortable with a dog snapping at their dog, especially a little dog with such fucking huge canine teeth. They’re like sabers in his mouth or something. I think the saddest thing was the black and white spaniel retriever type dog that was excited by it! He kept bugging Chester until Chester would snap at him and then run trying to get Chester to chase him. Chester hated this. Ironically, this is EXACTLY what Chester does to Maddie, bug the shit out of her until she decides to chase him and kick his ass.
Man, I need a day off, something in the middle of a week would be nice, get stuff done outside, take the dogs around the lake while it’s not busy, just be outside with spring.
Speaking of…the migrating loons have stopped off at Lake Hiawatha. I look at them every morning on the way to work and I want to stop to tell them I will see them later in the summer when we head up to the BWCA again. Chester loves the BWCA!

Craftstravaganza this weekend, be there or be found in cheap clothing and accessories made by Chinese orphans!!!

HI HI HI HI HI HI!!! It’s me!

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CHESTER!!!
I distracted the fat lady and the funny man and I got the computer again!!! oh my god. I have the computer and my name is CHESTER
but I have to tell you about the dogpark!! AAAA the dog park! the dog park!!! I love to go there and I got to go there and it was the best day ever for CHESTER oh oh
oh wrong buttons
CHESTER
and I went to the dog park with Maddie and we I went inside the fence and I smelled the pees! There were PEES everywhere and I had to smell them all and one said “hi” and one said “HI” and one said “I AM GOING TO BITE YOU” so I ran away from that one but Maddie put a pee on it that said “MY NAME IS MADDIE”.
actually, all of maddies pees say “MY NAME IS MADDIE”
and I smelled all the pees and a beagle came up to me and we sniffed butts and her butt said “I wanna run around but I also want to bark a lot when I don’t get my way” so I left her and kept sniffing
and there was a PEE that was a POOP!!!!! a hahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!! oh my god! Get it??? a PEE that was a POOP hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I love that joke! I told the other dogs there that joke and some of the dogs laughed and they were good.
and I was at the dog park and I was running like forever and running and YAY YAY YAY YAY I love the dog park because I get to run and pee and run and see dogs and smell pee and butts and pee!
but a boxer came up to me and he said “I WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU AND WE SHOULD PLAY RIGHT NOW” and he wouldn’t leave me alone and he kept saying that but he was too big and he had a giant head and finally i yelled “GO AWAY FROM ME YOU DUMB DOG” and then the fat lady was all saying my name in that way that I hate because it means she doesn’t understand me and the things I do but I went to her and she put the pets on me and we went to a different part of the park and Maddie and I played chase and I love chase!
I LOVE CHASE!!! I jump on Maddie until she stops saying “knock it off” and she starts saying “I AM GOING TO BITE YOUR HEAD” and I run away and she runs after me and she can’t catch me except when she catches me and sometimes she doesn’t follow me she just goes to the way that I am going to be going and she catches me there and we bite on each other’s heads and then she goes to the fat lady and says “MY NAME IS MADDIE AND I LOVE YOU” because she’s kind of a suck up.
and I go to the funny man and he chases me and we run! and some other dogs came over and we sniffed but their buts said “We are boring blah blah blah we just want to blah blah boring chase ball”
and then we went to the other part of the dog park and that was the part by where we came in and where all the dogs are and I ran around with other dogs and sniffed them and we peed and we ran and Maddie saw this one dog that she doesn’t like! he is not brown like she is brown and he doesn’t have a curly tail like hers and he said to her
he said to her last year LAST YEAR!! he said to her “you look dumb” and she got mad at him and tried to beat him up and this time she saw him and he didn’t even have a chance to say stupid!
She chased him!!! and barked at him but she only ever barks MY NAME IS MADDIE!!!
it’s so weird.
and she was running and barking and the dumb dog went to the fat lady and maddie doesn’t like dumb dogs to be by the fat lady but the fat lady doesn’t understand us! she just doesnt! she’s dumb! she thinks it is bad for maddie to yell at the other dog!!
and we had to go. and I was sad.
but I saw the PEE that was a POOP and I was happy and I got to have a biscuit when I got home and I took a nap and
oh, the fat lady told me that my peener hair looks funny. and she laughed at it.

HI HI HI HI HI HI!!! sshhhhhhh

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Okay! Hi HI HI HI shhhhhh hi
hi it’s me chester CHESTER
SHHHHH
I stole the fat lady’s computer and dragged it under the bed with my toy and my ropey and two socks. She is mean! My name is Chester, i have the computer!! HA HA HA HA I STOLE THE COMPUTEshhhhhhhhh
HI HI I found something out that I think is science I think. i think it is outside science but i don’t know about science the fat lady says dinosaurs are science and something about reaming quantum physics in the something with a swear but I think I found a science without dinosaurs
my name is chester I AM CHESTER!!! Hi hi hi oh my god I stole the computer and I have a science that I found and I am under the bed and I can see the fat ladys feet and and she is saying swears and I am chester and maddie is a hippo and I found science!! Hold on
I had to lick the place behind my peener. it feels better now.
oh my god guess what? I found science! oh wait I think i said that…and I said about my peener!! ha ha ha my peener has chester fur! Oh yeah, science.
okay so I was CHESTER in the yard and the yard was all snowflakes and it is the place where I pee and tell people that i own this yard and it is the place where I poop and bite Maddie and tell the person at the bus stop to GO AWAY FROM CHESTER!!!! shhhhhh
and my yard was all snow and then the next morning all the snow turned into poop!!! it’s true!!! one day i had snowflakes all over my yard and the next day there was all poops all over and it was just poops! the whole thing was poops and I think they were all
OH MY GOD that place behind my peener!!!!
oh, yeah, poops!! can you believe it? I couldn’t I wanted to believe it because my name is chester and that is the thing that was there it was a whole yard of poops and all the poops were mine!! the SNOW turned into my POOP!!! I told Maddie and I told the man next door but he didn’t care and so I told him again and again I said “MY NAME IS CHESTER AND THIS IS MY YARD AND MY YARD HAS MAGIC POOP THAT IS MINE AND USED TO BE SNOW BUT IS NOW MY POOP!!!”
and it was the best thing ever or I am not chester!!! and then this morning! this morning the poops turned back into snow!!
I heard the fat lady and funny man say the magic was called “thawing” and they sounded sad. I think they are sad because it was not their poop! I bet they wanted their poop out there but I won because my name is CHESTER and the snow is my poop! I haven’t seen my poop in other places where there was snow but there was this smell that was like a girl dog pee except it was like a girl dog pee that was not maddie. I like to bite maddie! she has a head like a MADDIE!!!! have you ever bited Maddie! it’s like biting a toy except she will knock you over.
oh no! I think the fat lady knows I have her computer and I have to hurry because my name is chester and I no science and I will get a peanut butter and
I have to lick again
ooohhhh CHESTER