I am the queen of gravy making! I am king shit world heavyweight champion of gravies! No lie. You can say to me in your little whiny voice, “but my mom…” YOUR MOM LEARNED IT FROM ME!! and you can crawl around whimpering, “grandma…grandma…her gravy…so good..” and I’ll kick you in the ribs and make you apologize for your heresy once you’ve tried my gravy.
I am the interplanetary goddess of gravy and even Jesus himself could not tear the title from my grasp. Loaves and fishes indeed! Where’s the thick, unctuous sauce for your bread and fish??? It’s nowhere!!! I make the gravy around here and you better learn to like it.
Category Archives: Delicious
This…that and the other
Just another one of those random posts
I woke up this morning feeling like I had overindulged last night. I went over the checklist of things I had to do to make me feel better, shower, coffee, french toast. Then it occurs to me that not only did I not overindulge last night, I hadn’t even partaken AND I went to bed early. Dang. All the hangover, none of the fun.
Met Owen for brunch, french toast! We caught up on our lives and mocked the horrendous toupé and ate our french toast. Good times.
Luckily, Owen was there when I went to start my car and discovered the dead battery. Dang again. He gave me a jump (with me being all ‘don’t blow my car up!!’) and I got my car over to the garage. New battery, oil change, lotsa car love.
Jen and I took the puppy to the lake and let him run around a bit. Happy puppy running in the sun, rolling in the grass, chewing on his meaty, chewy treat. Unfortunately, the grass was just wet enough that when he rolled in it he managed to get grass stains all over himself. He needs a bath now. Lucky guy.
When we put the house on the market we packed a lot of stuff thinking we’d be moving soon. We were wrong, I need my crock pot. I dug it out and now I have a lovely pot roast chugging away in the kitchen. mmm hot roast beef sandwiches.
I had a dream last night that a friend of mine and I were back in high school. We had decided to play hooky and go back to his place. He picked me up and on the way to his house he made me stop at the school and pick up my homework. Before we had any illicit school-skipping fun he insisted that we do our homework first and he was going to have to help me. I love when my dreams take my real life and make things obvious. He’s totally my smart, responsible friend.
The weird thing is that it was the first “i’m back in school” dream where I didn’t get lost in the building trying to find my locker.
This morning I almost skinned the puppy alive when I walked out of the shower and found he had chewed the shit out of my security blanket (yes, I have a security blanket, shut up or I’ll kick your ass. Hard). I didn’t kill him, but I made him stay away from me. He managed to keep a five foot distance from me at all times and whined pitifully the whole time. It’s so hard to stay mad at him.
I borrowed the Babylon 5 dvd’s from Alan. I’ve been watching obsessively. Season one was not so good, but it’s getting better. My question is, why are all space seeresses bald?
Roast is cooking. Yum.
The Eternal Debate
Every summer the college I work for hosts high school kids for a couple weeks at a time to do things like learn how to be an artist (there are classes in mismatching your clothes, god-complexing, and ironic rockabilly this year). The kids live on campus and occasionally get busted and sent home for underage drinking.
They also get fed.
The cafeteria is normally closed in the summers, but during these sessions (2 weeks at a time) they open to feed the kids. The kids eat free, staff and faculty not involved in the process pay. Since i am such a kind and gentle soul who helps facilitate cafeteria functions when things break, i also get to eat for free.
Eating for free is good, but the food is bad. So I’m torn. I’m hungry, I want to eat, I don’t really want to spend money if I don’t have to, but the food sucks. Yesterday I figured salad bar would be a good idea. I was wrong. All of the vegetable (broccoli, chick peas, cherry tomatoes) had the same weird bitter taste. Nothing tasted right. Today the bbq pork sandwich had little to no sauce. The roast beef sandwich the other day wasn’t very good either.
Actually, the problem is that everything tastes like a lack of effort and cut corners. It’s all cheap, second rate service pack food. There is no love or thought or effort put into anything. Pudding from giant cans, generic miracle whip, oily french dressing.
I hate to complain about something that’s free, I really should be more appreciative. Or, more to the point, if I don’t like it, I could just go pay for food that was better, but I don’t want to. I want to complain, but I’ll eat it out of sheer laziness.
To Ponder a 60 Pound Watermelon
A coworker came into my office with a larger than usual (but not giant) Gladware full of chopped up watermelon. Seems someone in another department had gotten a 60 pound watermelon, discovered she could not eat it and started distributing it.
1) who buys a 60 pound watermelon? More importantly, what is the thought process behind purchasing a 60 pound watermelon? How is it that you are surprised that you cannot consume a 60 pound watermelon?
2) 60 pounds, that’s like the size of a 3rd grader, right? Is it wrong to purchase foodstuffs in sizes comparable to our elementary school students?
3) Who grew this watermelon? Did they decide to gorw a large watermelon? did they arrive at 60 pounds for a reason or did they just have an idea of a general size, and it happened to weigh 60 pounds?
4) What makes a watermelon get to 60 pounds? Aliens? Miracle Grow? The gift of everlasting salvation from jesus? Do I want to consume any of these things?
5) I’ve never been one to buy into the theory that a seed consumed will cause a plant to grow in my abdomen. I am aware of diverticulitis, however. I still consume the seeds of the watermelon as I feel that with the remarkable advances of science, diverticulitis can be cured quickly and easily.
6) If carefully carved and emptied, could the shell of a 60 pound watermelon be transformed into an eco-friendly ‘soap-box’ derby racer? Would you get a smaller 2nd grader to act as your pilot?
Countdown to Atkins
My life is full of retarded personal decisions and Monday morning I embark on yet another one. Monday morning, I start the Atkins diet.
There are a number of reasons why I’m doing this, not the least of which is I need something sorta hardcore and involved to focus on.
This whole week, since I’ve decided to do this, I’ve been getting my carbs out of the way. My last carb intensive meal is by far the worst. One bag of Tostito bite sized tortilla chips, one jar of Taco Bell salsa con queso, and Miller High Life, the Champaigne of Beers.
Cheers. I was gonna warn you that I might be pissy because of the diet, but really, would you even notice the difference?