Category Archives: Blab

yeah, i’m here

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I’m here, I’m fine. I appreciate everyone who took the time to check up on me. I needed it. I mostly spent the weekend sleeping, or trying to sleep or pretending to sleep or being crabby. I’m good at crabby.
In other crabby news
1) I could not possibly care any less than I do about the writer’s strike. I just don’t care. Yes, i am an avid supporter of unions, yes, I do believe that collective bargaining is what allows us to be humans at work and not donkeys 7 days a week. Sure, their issue is probably valid, what little I’ve heard of it sounds fine. I just don’t care. At this point, I don’t think anyone in hollywood, and I mean the vague hollywood that includes every damned thing on tv and in the movie theatres, should shut up about money until they start making things that don’t suck so very hard. How many different television shows can there be about moody doctors with issues? moody detectives with issues? magical crime fighters that solve crimes with super tweezers and their issues? a wacky family with wacky kids and in laws that live near by?
And I figure it’s just a matter of time before they make a Diff’rent Strokes movie. if we’re really lucky, Will Smith will play Arnold.
2) I’m half way through my 3rd pirate hat. After this christmas I am never making another pirate hat again. Ever. It’s not that they’re hard, they’re super easy, but I don’t like making the same pattern over and over. There’s just no challenge in it.
3) chester has entered into some sort of weird jealous phase. he’s decided that he’s the only one who can be by me. if maddie comes near, he growls. If maddie hears growling she’s all, “is that growling on the heather? I better investigate and make sure she’s safe!” and if she comes to investigate then chester is all, “didn’t you hear me? this is my lady! stop trying to be the boss of me!” and maddie goes, “the growling on the heather is getting louder! OH MY GOD”
and this escalates a bit until Maddie gets too close and Chester jumps on her and they fight. Then maddie really gets freaked because now there is real danger on the heather and she must help and defend the heather from all danger! She she really goes at it and chester thinks she’s really being a total dick for not only not leaving him alone but also for making him fight so he gets nuttier.
and none of it ends until I grab them and maddie accidentally bites me and I make them both go away.
on the other hand, thing are going better and I got to meet the famous KnitGrrl last week and we talked about art and penises and yarn and sex and gossip and old people and penises and once I touched her butt just so I could say I had. We went to the O’Keeffe show at the MIA…it was okay, only go if you are a member and it’s free. Then we saw the Kahlo show at the Walker. I recommend this highly. I say pay whatever they ask. or go on thursday night when it is free and stand in the long line. whatever. just go. Actually, I might go back when it is less crowded and see it again.
more…real stuff…later.

oh my god, it’s true

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Don’t go grocery shopping when you are hungry. Especially don’t go grocery shopping at 11pm on a Saturday night after you’ve spent the entire day doing but lazing in bed, crocheting, surfing the net or lazing…AND ESPECIALLY if all you’ve eaten all day is 1 box of candy hearts in español left over from last valentines day, some cashews and 4 shots of espresso over coffee ice cream.
We got some apples and bananas and pineapples…thus ended the reasonable portion of the trip. Prepackaged bbq ribs, 4 boxes of Hormel sausages with Tabasco, 1 pack of brats, 1 pack of cheddarwurst, 2 rope sausages, 5 pizzas, 2 boxes of cereal, 1 box of fudgesicles, 1 box of Kemps Float Bars, 2 kinds of croutons, a caramel apple (i wanted 2, David slipped on back into the bin. Grumpface), 5 packs of pudding cups, and…oh the shame…prepackaged iceberg lettuce!
this is why I am fat.
There used to be days where the conveyor belt was pretty much just squash and kale and zucchini and fennel and carrots and maybe a little pork roast for me. The worst thing we would buy would be the occasional box of mac and cheese or some ice cream. I’ve fallen so far! It was so easy too. I don’t watch tv, i’m not constantly inundated with commands to shove “current popular processed cheese food flavor snack chip” in my mouth. I don’t have to consider my placement in society based on my beverage purchase.
Hell, I don’t even have the urge to cook anymore. Half the time I’m looking for something that will fit in my mouth and isn’t fuzzy.
hmmmm maybe I should get a carbon monoxide detector…because something MUST be breaking my head.

the things they told me

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When I was very young a neighbor girl, I thought she was much much older, but she was probably 12is, I wasn’t quite 4 yet, was with me. We were looking through her fridge and I spied the ReaLemon awesome plastic lemon shaped lemon juice dispenser.
“what’s that?”
“it’s poison”
hmm, poison. I spent a lot of time mulling that over. I’m talking years spent thinking about this. Why would they sell poison in the produce section? why would they put poison in a food shaped container? Why would people need poison?
Where was the Mr Yuk sticker????
Around the same time I was told the bottle of Karo syrup in the cupboard was medicine. This also perplexed me, but to a lesser extent. Medicine wasn’t strange, I could accept that. I was the kid who frequently climbed on the kitchen counter to chug the Pepto-Bismol. It was pink and awesome! Also, I had a sister who got frequent colds and ear infections, the children’s prescription pink medicine…also chugged.
wait…Flintstone vitamins? eaten at every chance! Children’s aspirin! AWESOME!! Vaseline? peculiar but edible. Bowls of mayonnaise? Not what I was expecting but better than Vaseline. Dish soap? NOT AWESOME!
Why did I have so much free time? I mean we didn’t helicopter parents then, we were often left to play on our own. But, man, there was a lot of unstructured time there. I guess it’s lucky I didn’t overdose on something…I guess that’s why we have helicopter parents now.

owie ow ow ow

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Yeah, as I mentioned before, got me a bladder infection. A whopper of a bladder infection. I will spare you the (intensely) gory details, but this is the second day I have not been to work because of the pain. The only thing that has really taken the pain away is Ambien, not because it is a painkiller but because it lets me sleep through the pain.
David brought me my meds last night, to be taken with food. I had already taken my Ambien and gone to bed. He woke me to take my pills and also gave me a piece of bread with peanut butter and def strawberry jam. I kept falling asleep and getting jam on my hand.
On the bright side I started and finished the Float Away for myself and started the Chanson en Crochet probably also for me, but I don’t know yet. Today I will try to take pictures and get things posted.
I also made a prototype corset style coffee cup holder. I gave it to Mary on the condition that she try it out, give me notes on what needs to be changed and also see how much interest there is in it. I am also going to come up with some patterned coffee cup holders, most likely some with pirates (people love pirates) or swear words or something.
I need to go take my pills and lay down.
PS the doctor warned me that one of the meds would make my pee orange. Okay, cool. OH SHIT! I did not even comprehend the definition of ORANGE until today. It’s like my bladder houses the cosmic orange color factory and is distributing the orange color to the world via my standard household plumbing! Every single thing in the universe, past-present-future, is getting its orange color from the cosmic orange color factory in my bladder. How does it color the past? Quantum physics!