It’s Friday, payroll day. I bring the completed payroll (I keep typing ‘payroll’ as ‘payrool’) and my joyful spirit to the accounting department where we celebrate endlessly my existence. I answer the trivia question, “Who’s your hero?” with “Rickie Fitz” which bring makes everyone look at each other sideways and say, “Do you party?” “What?” “Do you PARTY??”.
Then everyone asked me if it was time to smoke. I get to be the queen of the accounting office because whenever I have to smoke I go over there and make one of them go outside with me. Only one person in the office smoke, but they all get to take turns (or go as a group) going outside with me as I smoke. During our smoke breaks they tell me their problems, I give advice and everyone is happy. Alas, I started the day with only 4 cigarettes, 2 were smoked on the way to work, one was smoked on a break with another person who got my last cigarette. No smoke break.
So we did the only reasonable thing, Jessie grabbed me and we went to the convenience store and I bought hugely overpriced cigarettes, then over to McDonalds where we picked up food for other people (read my earlier post about not paying for food when you can get it for free) and back to the accounting office.
People got their food and we went out to smoke. First just me and the doyen of accounting went out, he told me his personal issues and i listened intently as i smoked and offered up sage advice and encouragement. Then Jessie came out and I was compelled to have another cigarette and we discussed girl on girl wrestling and THUG LIFE tattoos and hair care.
Then the doyen offered to let me watch him take off his shirt as he changed to go for a walk, I accepted, he got shy. Dammit.
I love the accounting office and they love me (well, except for one person in the accounting office who filed a complaint against me for being flippant, but I think she’s gonna get hers real soon). I’m gonna miss them when I go.

The toughest thing ever is when you realize that no matter how much you like a particular person, you can never trust them again. This has been the only dark spot on my otherwise damned fine week. It was just a realization I came to today about someone, it’s made me sad, but not terribly so.
Not terribly sad because it can’t defeat the DAMNED FINE week i had.

I’m a little obsessed with my dreams. I love my dreams. I don’t love them in an ‘altered state, premonition, astral plane’ way, I don’t usually analyze them in any deep way. I love my dreams because they are usually very vivid and very emotional, sometimes so vivid they come back to me as memories of actual events and not just dreams. It’s kinda like being able to live this whole other bizarro life where sometimes I can breathe under water or fly or shoot people without consequence.
The other night I had a dream that really struck me. In this dream I spent time with a number of my exes and former lovers (but only the ones I am currently still friends with) and in the time spent together each one rejected me in a way that was very specific to them. One made plans with me but when someone more interesting came by they left with them without so much as a goodbye. One spent the entire time during an intimate act discussing the various people they would like to date. And still another one, when asked to go out, fell silent and unresponsive.
These situations really have less to say about about the people involved and a lot to say about how I felt in the relationships or how I felt about the way they evolved. I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing this.
Funny thing is, it sounds like it would be depressing or sad, but actually it’s not. I’ve actually been very happy since this dream. I’m not entirely sure why, but i think it felt like closure in some way.
Either way, this dream and a few other things lately have conspired to make me pretty fucking joyful!

I don’t have enough of any one thing to make a post with (not that I post much of substance, but you know I like to have a couple paragraphs when possible) so here’s a little bit of everything
Favorite song at the moment is Morphine’s In Spite of Me. I’d heard it before and it’s on a mix cd that Mark made for me, but the other night it was playing and suddenly grabbed me for whatever reason. It’s getting heavy rotation in the car, which is hard since it’s a short song. Also, I need you to appreciate how hard it is to find a lyrics site not completely futzed with pop-ups.
I finally got green nail polish and I am in love with it. MAC’s Aloe Aloe green, got it from my mom for my birthday. I’m always on the lookout for good green nail polish and could never find it. I have 87,000 shades of blue since everyone has good shades of blue and when I go looking for green I end up buying blue as a consolation color. Finally, green.
It suddenly occured to me that this was a holiday weekend, a nice long weekend and I have no plans. Shit. I need a friend with a place on a lake. I live in Minnesota, how is it that I don’t have a friend with a lake place?? Of course my mom lives on a lake, but, while I love my mom and all, ‘friend with a lake place’ should really be seen as ‘friend with a place for uninhibited debauchery and no neighbors’.
Social Security Sex – you get a little something every month, but it’s not enough to live on.
In playing tug-of-war with the puppy i’ve pulled out a couple of his baby teeth. Freaky. Also bloody and gross.
Countdown to Baltimore is still on. Every day it gets less scary and more exciting. There are a lot of people and things that I will miss terribly in the move, but there are a lot of people and things out there waiting for me.
There you have it. A lot of little bits. My new tattoo idea is “Illegitimis non carborundum”. I’ll get it on my forearm, it’s a good thing to remind yourself.