Sometimes you wake up happy and you’re in the kitchen and you start making up songs to sing while you make your coffee. And sometimes you don’t realize that your kitchen window is open and that the neighbor’s kitchen window, situated less than 5 feet away, is also open.
And sometimes you just have to belt out “Why don’t you… come over here……and stuff your….FINGERS UP INTO MY BUTTHOLE!!!!!!!” Yay mornings!
Author Archives: bubbo
To beautiful Viivi Hazel
My little niece, how wonderful that you arrived! You’re probably tired, you’ll need some rest to help build up the energy you’ll need for our later adventures. I don’t have a complete list ready but so far we have: learn to swear, how to get out of cleaning your room, how to make perfect ‘mothers-day-breakfast-in-bed’ pancakes, what to do if there isn’t a toilet near by, how to taste cheese, crocheting, the legend of the moonboots, how to turn any surface into a functioning drum set, prepare rack of lamb, hair coloring, cheating at scrabble, bake chewy cookies, knowing puffy Cheetohs are far superior to the crunchy ones especially because no one wants to eat them and you get the whole bag to yourself, and AND AND how to get the entire planet to swing you, spin you all around the solar system
Land Dwelling Ass Sharks
an effect of light with a wavelength between 590 and 610 nm
You have to be careful when you dye your hair orange, there’s a very fine line between “yep, I meant to do that” and “holy shit, this looks nothing like the color on the front of the box!!”
Happy orangey holidays!
Happy Birthday!
At the end of 2009 I hit the deepest and lowest point. I was not just depressed, I had my plan, I had it worked out. There were a lot of things, people and circumstances that came together to save me.
Maddie is one of them.
I adopted her in 2005. She was 4 years old, skinny and sick. She had a lot of health problems and the vet said that she’d probably make it to 6 years old maybe 7 years old. Today is her birthday and she is 11 years old.
From the moment I called out her name when I went to pick her up she was mine. She imprinted like a gosling, there was never any doubt that she was my dog. She is my shadow, my constant companion. More tears have been spilled into her fur than could ever be counted. When I was at my lowest, when it all seemed pretty hopeless, she was there reminding me that I was needed.
She puts herself between me and the world. Every morning, when I make coffee, she sets herself halfway between the kitchen and the front door. When I take a shower, she is on alert.
Dog love is a funny thing. Dogs are bred to be loyal, they’re programmed to love. Maddie is doing what dogs do. The difference is that Maddie is doing that for me and she does it so completely, entirely without guile or expectation.
Today is Maddie’s birthday, she is 11 years old.
I’ve never told anyone this, but when I got her and they told me she had only a few more years left I decided that my job would be to ease her as painlessly as possible out of this life. I was desperately searching for ways to redeem myself, to right my wrongs. This is what I would do. It would be hard, it would hurt, but it would save me.
She did save me.
