Monthly Archives: August 2007

Dear Mr President

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Dear Sir,
I understand that it’s important for the morale of the nation to see your goofy monkey face superimposed on the disasters of the day. I agree, nothing takes the edge off of pain and fear like a little monkey romping around for treats. It’s good, I’m glad you are paid well in the service of your country.
What perplexes the hell out of me is why your helicopters have to fly so damned low over my house. Granted, I live near the airport and air force base, so I am used to a certain level of air traffic noise, but nothing could have prepared me for a helicopter racing mere inches over my house (or at least it sounded like inches, it could have been feet). I know, I know, you’re not actually in charge of anything, you don’t really make the decisions, but damn! I don’t want to think about helicopters crashing at 9am on a Saturday!
Whatever happened to the silent unmarked helicopters I hear so much about? Why couldn’t you use one of those? Oh, right, only the people in power get to use those. Well, maybe ask Cheney if you could borrow it next time? maybe?
Also, why couldn’t you coordinate your visit to coincide with Laura’s? We had helicopters all over yesterday as well. I’m sure it doesn’t really matter when she shows up, they just polish her plasticene exterior, prop her up and hit the ‘ON’ button.
Actually, for what it cost to get you guys out here, we probably could have gotten some more cranes or heavy lifters. Think about that next time. We already have two zoos, you’re just adding to a collection we’ve deemed complete. We don’t need sound bites and sad eyes, hollow handshakes and empty promises.
There is more I would like to say, but I’m sure your basement level hoagieheads are already picking this up on their blippy screens. Pretty soon you’re find ‘evidence’ that I am building and stockpiling ‘WMDs’. Those aren’t biological weapons! They’re jars of jam!
Wait? What am I worried about? With the way you handle wars your guys would get in and my dogs would run circles around them. Of course I’d have to live with the dogs barking at your guys for five years or more, but it’s worth it.
I think.

I smell of cherries

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Between headaches and general staring off into space, I’ve been working on my State Fair entries. It’s been a lot of work and there’s nothing that says “SMART” like choosing to stand over a boiling pot of fruit, stirring frequently for 40 minutes or more on a day when it is 8 billion degrees out.
First up, I made a batch of cherry chutney. It’s pretty good, but I’m just not feeling it with the chutney, I don’t know. I don’t think I flavored it very well. Oh well. I’d say it goes well with pork, turkey or spicy food.
I made a batch of cherry jam that turned into cherry jello or something. That shit SOLIDIFIED! No worries, I’m calling it a cherry ‘pastry filling’ and giving it away. It tastes really good, it’s just too thick to be a jam. I drained too much juice off the cherries and so there ended up being too little fruit to pectin in the end. The gel ended up trapping millions of tiny bubbles in it. Definitely can’t enter that in the competition.
Today I made another batch of cherry jam and I think that turned out better. Definitely softer, more spreadable. I will have to manipulate the jars to help with fruit distribution (part of what yu get judged on is appearance).
Next up, Def Strawberry Jam for the “not otherwise specified” jam category and my salsa verde.
Wednesday I was on a mission for litmus paper. You see, if a recipe has a pH of 4.6 or lower, then it is acidic enough to kill any botulism bacteria that might be hiding in there. The boiling, heating and sealing will take care of the other bacteria, as well as any airborne yeasts or molds that might get in there. If the pH is higher than 4.6 then it must be pressure canned so that the temperature gets high enough to assure the death of the botulism.
If you are following a tried and true recipe, you need not worry about these things, they’ve been tested. But, if you are like me, you chafe under the constraints of order and instruction. My salsa verde recipe rocks ass but I am not sure it is acidic enough to be safe to waterbath process and I really don’t want to pressure can it because I don’t have the new gasket for my canner yet. So, I decided to get some litmus paper and find out.
Where does one buy litmus paper? Good question! I called pharmacies, I called industrial art supply warehouses, I called Target, I called a garden shop, I called a pool shop, I called a bead shop for fuck’s sake! Finally I found an elementary school supply store that was open! they had it (also, they had all of the other amazing things I wanted to buy).
The real sadness is the sheer number of people who were asked and did not know what litmus paper was for or what pH is. Dang.
Of course, I can’t really talk. I was filling 8 ounce jars with a 1 cup measuring cup and tried to pour in a heaping cupful. mmmm spillage.

again

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Thank you for the calls and messages. We are all fine, we did not know anyone who was on the bridge at the time.
We’ve not gone to see the site yet. I don’t want to get in the way and in some ways it feels very disrespectful to stand and gawk at a place where people died, where the tragedy is still a bright scar.
In fact, I stayed home today with a terrible headache and with my lack of television news coverage, I feel very disconnected from it all. I’m okay with that. When I do catch the news on the radio, half of it is pointless conjecture from talking heads and the other half is constant repetition. I admit, however, to watching many of the videos online. This is my city. I was born here, I grew up here. It is my home and my home is damaged and hurting.
On the other hand, the response to the situation was amazing. As a city they were prepared. Search and rescue teams, ambulances, hospitals, it all went as well as it could. The real miracle, as Alex pointed out earlier, is that only 4 people have been found dead and the number of missing has been brought down to 8. This is a major freeway, a busy bridge, and the numbers were kept low.
This is not a comfort to the families that have lost loved ones.

We are fine

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Thank you for the concerned calls and emails. David and I and our local families are fine. No one that we know has been injured in the bridge accident.
This is a truly terrible accident.
I do not have the words for it right now.