Because I hate myself and all my vile, filthy little ways I decided to punish myself by going on the pill and quitting smoking in the same week.
I’ve not been on the pill since high school so this was going to be an interesting little experiment. I started up on Sunday night and by Monday night I was a hormonal mess. It felt just like PMS except my rational brain kept pointing out that this was entirely pill related.
My list of people to devour skin first lengthened considerably.
Actually, the worst part was that the brain filters went into emergency power loss mode. So instead of preventing me from saying exactly what I think of you and your *demands *thoughts *taste in music *actions *breath *inability to spell, they let some things slip. Thankfully only a little came out and, looking back, it was really only 10% of what could have (or to be honest, should have) been said.
Today the fog lifted like magic, the little filters are back in place, I feel pleasant and charming (though I accept that I am not).
I’m giving up cigarettes for now, sigh. I miss them, I like smoking. I like that I get more breaks during the day and I get to be more social. People would argue that cancer is no fun, but I bet if you did it right, a cancer ward could be more social and fun than a nursing home. Just saying is all.
In other news, David’s birthday is this weekend. I’m putting together an elaborate cake for his party. I started making it last night. With all the shit on my mind I managed to burn the hell out of the cream for the wasabi ganache, but I made the most delectable ginger syrup ever. I’m totally using the leftovers for ginger martinis.
Now I’m bored as hell and I think I’ll go hit people’s websites over and over and over and over just to mess with their stats or something.
oh-you-tee.
Monthly Archives: March 2005
blah blah blah
Weekend update in amazingly boring bullet point style. You know you hate me and my lazy posting. Honestly, I can’t decide between quantity and quality…stick with what you know…you get quantity.
* A tired dog is a happy dog so Ghengis goes to the dog park as often as I can manage. Right now the place is a mud pit with all the melting snow and whatnot and therefore my car is also a mud pit. Usually having a muddied up car would be upsetting (it’s everywhere, even the center console) but I figure it’s worth it to have a happy dog. Besides, the car wipes clean. Today a dog tried to beat Ghengis up and the dog’s asshole owners were no where to be seen. Apparently AssDog was entirely under the control of 2 pre-teen kids. One was a girl who tried to stop AssDog from being such a prick, the other was a boy who was encouraging AssDog. You don’t want to get in the middle of pissed off dogs, it’s scary. What scares me more about AssDog than anything is that while Ghengis is small, he’s unaccountably strong and he doesn’t really realize it. I don’t want him pushed beyond control and actually hurt another dog. I don’t want to deal with that. He’s an incredibly good natured and sweet dog, but he was really starting to get pissed. He’s like the Incredible Hulk of the Dog world. Except he’s cute.
* Got a subscription to the New Yorker, didn’t realize it came out so often. Guess this will be another magazine that I read in giant spurts.
* House goes back on the market on Tuesday and at the original asking price as well. I’ve completely lost interest in this whole house selling thing, I just want to be done with it so I can put this entire decade behind me. It’s the last thing tying me to the past and I want it gone.
* What the fuck happened to being 31? I remember turning 30, I remember 30 being a good year. Suddenly I’m turning 32. What the fuck happened? I’ve got a couple months left to make ’31 year old’ memories. Better make them good.
* Down to one cigarette a day. I’m told I am crankier and more terse than usual. I’m not my regular, bubbly self. Sigh. Amends will be made, I promise.
* Got special super cheap pre-sale tickets to the Austin City Limits Festival! 2 three day passes cost me less than 1 three day pass. Good deal for me and Ethan! If Ethan and I only get to see each other once a year for the rest of our lives then the ACL festival is as good a reason as any to get together. This time we’ll know to bring more whiskey (and water).
* In a fit of boredom I went and studied Yahoo Serious’ career.
* There’s a bottle of wine, a book (Hans Helmust Kirst ‘The Wolves’) and a hot bath calling my name.
* Speaking of wine, they need to build a Trader Joes in Minneapolis. I went through 1 1/2 cases of wine between early November and New Years just from entertaining guests and dating someone who likes my cooking and drinks wine with it. I need a good source of cheap, reliably good wine, I need case discounts!
* My dog looks remarkably nude without his collar on.
* You can go to Target, you can spend 2 hours in there, you can look in every section, you will never find the lint traps for the wash machine discharge.
* I have to stop writing about my dog.
* The tub calls my name…
hasta..
Quote of the Day
“You know when you go to a potluck and there’s that crock pot with the meatballs in the zingy sauce? You know how they kinda smell good and the person who brought them also brought cool tooth picks with which to spear them and so you try one and the sauce is pretty good and the toothpick is cool but the meatball is just a store-bought meatball, kind of mushy, no real flavor, and a bit of uncomfortable grit? Well that’s who he is, he’s a store bought meatball in flashy sauce.”
This is a first for me, describing someone as a meatball.
It Breaks
Like Persephone making her way up from the underworld I am now glimpsing the relief that spring will bring me.
Winter is so hard on me and these last 4 or so have been grueling. The cold, the lack of sun, being cooped up inside, it all wears on you. This winter was not terrible as Ethan sent me the greatest, brightest sunlight replicating lightbulbs ever. These things are pure science, so bright they practically light up the neighborhood.
They did help, absolutely.
But still I find myself weary and tired of the weather, of that awful biting wind and the overcast days. It’s tough to be beaten down like that by something you have no control over.
And yet the sun is coming out and the weather is warming and the pomegranate seed of hope is rolling about on my tongue.
Posty McNuggets
I need to just get one of those sites where you post pithy nuggets as you go through the day because I never have big posts anymore, just lots of little things that I try to accumulate and post all at once. I forget about 78% of them.
I forget about 78% of everything including the reasons why I ever liked you in the first place*.
So let’s see, what’s up in funkytown, population: me…
Finally got my hair cut. It was getting bad. Owen and I just could not coordinate schedules and we were hugely busy with our own stuff. I’m totally rocking the blonde tips and trailer trash roots. It’s funny how this morning my roots were cringeworthy and this evening they’re an intentional fashion statement. I’ve been doing the ultra-butter blonde for some time now, might be ready for a change. The problem is that when I do blonde I can add whatever fun color I want on top of it. You can’t really put blue or pink tips on brunette hair. Much to consider.
With the help of a friend I changed the brakes on my car once. It was an all day endeavor. David came over this afternoon and changed his brakes in like an hour. Crazy. I love how some things can be massive undertakings or just a quick task depending on how you approach them. Granted, when i changed my brakes it was a learning experience and we also changed out the rotors and brake fluid.
Trying again to quit smoking. I’m down to one a day and up to about 15 clementines a day. The problem is that I really really like smoking. We’ll see how this goes. I’d like to be positive, but also i’d like to punch somebody in the face.
Why is it that when people think of or write about revenge they are reminded of me? Rarely do I wage revenge, it’s a dirty business, but when I do I’m quiet and subtle about it. I prefer schadenfreude to straight up revenge, but you knew that about me.
Went and saw Hotel Rwanda last night. I don’t think I spent so much time crying at a movie in such a long time. I went home feeling like I had been beat up. There’s a lot I want to say about this movie, but I’ll just tell you to go see it. Go see it now. Then come home and ponder what the fuck the academy was thinking when they handed the award to Jamie Foxx.
Dear April, scratch…scratch…scritch…scrape.
I need a vacation. Desperately.
My dog has a crush on a footrest.
Note to boys…
PMS = PRE menstrual syndrome. Pre = BEFORE. If I have PMS as characterized by the urge to consume the flesh off your body I am not, at that moment, experiencing ‘that time of the month’. That will happen 8-10 days later. So, later, when I say “my feet are bloated and I have cramps and I want to cry.” the proper response is not, “I thought you had your period last week”.
But neither is “hey, at least you don’t…”
Hey shorty, I know you wanna party
the way your body look really make me feel nauuughty
I almost said the absolute wrong thing tonight. It was a total joke but the brain filters are working hard because they caught the joke and determined that it fell way too far into the “it’s funny because it’s true” zone. Thank you, brain filters.
I finally managed to pickk out David’s birthday present. I think it’s a good thing. We’ll see what he says next friday.
I’m off. later peepmobiles.
* standard disclaimer: no…that was NOT about anyone specific so stop asking. Besides, I’d never forget why I didn’t like them.