Category Archives: Farmer Ant

Happy 500th

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Here we are at the 500th post*
HUZZAH
Or something.
On Feb 19, 2001 just before 2pm I made my first and second completely pointless posts. Four years, 500 posts, an average of 125 posts a year. It doesn’t work out exactly as there was a lull in there where I barely posted for months at a time.
Let’s take a little trip down memory lane, shall we?
The infamous Toblerone post, the one that got me my first batch of fan mail from people I did not know. People enjoy Toblerone and they like to read about it too!
I used to write haiku all the time. I don’t so much anymore, I think everyone is okay with that.
Of course, anyone who’s been around since the beginning will remember the ant farm and all of it’s glory! Let’s relive the joy of the ants one more time…
aaaaw yeah
I was always this cranky
I wrote smaller posts more frequently. It was probably healthier that way instead of the less frequent big pushes of today. There were not, however, any more coherent (no…really).
Lengthier posts found me examining the mysteries of the world around me
Surprisingly, there have only ever been 2 "Very Special" Episodes
Episode 1(to be fixed)
Episode 2(also to be fixed)
There are plans for a 3rd episode, I just havent gotten around to it. It will most likely feature pictures from my phone or something equally fascinating.
Too many trips have been documented on here for me to list them all. Suffice to say, I wish I was better at travel blogging since I do travel a lot, but I do document as much as I can.
Oh, um…centipedes.
I think about the things you’re too sober to think about.
I posted a picture of a potato with an odd shape once. It felt like the visual highlight of my year! Until I posted this, or any of the various holiday pictures, dog pictures or upskirts.
In mid 2002 you start to really see a decline in my general happiness and in the number of posts. Nothing specific to link to, really, just more evidence in the “Hindsight is 20/20″game. I was not happy and it shows in little ways that I hadn’t noticed until Ethan pointed it out to me a few months ago.
I have loved and I have lost and I recovered.
After this point there is a definite upswing in the frequency of posting. The halfway point happened less than 1 1/2 years ago. The last year has been dense!
My posts about David were sparse in the beginning, partially because I didn’t want to jinx anything, partially because I like to hold things like this close and quiet to me in the beginning and partially because it wasn’t any of your damned business, anyway! Sometimes, though, I couldn’t resist.
And everything since has been so recent you can see it easily. It’s not exciting, but it’s mine. It’s not me, just one angle of me, for as much as I say, there’s much that I keep to myself.
Happy 500th post to me!
*The post count is off, with the shift from the old to the new a (very) few posts got deleted or combined and also I found a curious few post numbers with no posts, something odd in the db. We’ll keep this at 500.

Ant Farm: Part 2

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A NEW ANT FARM!! When I purchased the ant farm for the office here i also purchased one for home. It took forever but my ants finally arrived. A little bit of cosmic irony that on the day that I find my beloved ants dead, the mail brings me a whole new set. In death there is always life.
Setup should have been fairly easy since I had accomplished it once before, but my decendancy from apes is fairly short and of course I had issues. The village is a cylinder within a cylinder. The inner cylinder stays sealed and the ants don’t go in it. Its purpose is to keep the sand pressed firmly against the outer clear cylinder. If you are an 8 year old boy you can accomplish the assembly of this simple product but I suck and I cannot. I don’t notice how poorly I have put this together until the very end when I cannot snap the top piece in place. This would be after I wet the sand down.
I put the inner cylinder in at a slight angle, thought nothing of it and added the sand and water. When I realized my mistake I tried to move the wet sand around to the other side. Impossible. I had to break the whole thing down, scoop the wet sand into a bowl, reassemble it and then try to get the wet sand into the narrow space. Second time was a success. A messy, irritating success.
Since I was home I had access to sugar to make the requisite sugar water. I added a few drops and dumped the ants in. When they awoke and discovered this simple nectar of the gods they made a huge pile of ants on this little drop of water and not a one of them drowned. Seems ants enjoy making seething piles. I also enjoy seething…oh nevermind
After about 45 minutes they had their fill of sweet liquid and moved on to the task of entertaining me. As we know, ants aren’t all that different from farm to farm. These ants started the same way, checking the place out, moving the dead, trying to escape. Though similar in style, I am sure these new ants will bring me another 3 weeks of irrepressible ant joy.
Wish me luck as we start on our new journey.

Ant Farm: Requiem

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Rex tremendae majestatus
qui salvandos salvas gratis
salve me, fons pietatis
The ants scurry no longer. All is silent in antville today. No frenetic activity, no hill being built, no tunnels being excavated.
Ingemisco tanquam reus,
Culpa rubet vultus meus
The ants were fading. Was I feeding too much? Watering too little? I don’t know. The sand was as dry and arid as my soul when I got in. Their last bit of food was molded over. Had I created an environment so unworthy of the adaptable ant? Most ants had been buried. One ant died, alone and frightened of this holocaust, in one of the transport tubes.
Oro supplex et acclinis,
Cor contritum quasi cinis
I will order more ants and I will love those ants and I will learn from my mistakes. I will succeed!
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine;
et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Goodbye Lionel Ritchie Fans
Goodbye lovers of granola
Goodbye CO2 reactors
Goodbye Antstronaut
Goodbye my little ants

Ant Farm: Day 10

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The 3 D’s were the tone of the day: Death, Discouragement and Depression. Ants die, it is natural. If my many hours watching Discovery Channel have taught me anything, it is that ants die. I knew this and yet I got the ant farm anyway. Now I sit here watching my good friends die as fast as cows in England. Their dead bodies are mocking my existense: “We’re dead and you’re alive. But are you really alive sitting in front of that computer all day???” I couldn’t take it anymore, but luckily there was a ray of light. This beautiful ray of light came in the form of Ron the Printshop Guy.
Ron the Printshop Guy is a pleasant fellow who runs the printshop. He wears a goatee and enjoys it when his tamales have a properly balanced flavor. He has a girlfriend and his girlfriend’s cat has feet issues.
Ron came to me asking for a paper plate, but what he gave me in return was so much more valuable than 6 inches of durable, glossy paper. He was checking out what I had deemed the Ant Graveyard and we were discussing the excessive number of dead ones. I pointed out that they were slow and sluggish because of the cold. Then I showed him my carbon dioxide trick and many of them jumped up and ran around as expected. Special Angel Ron suggested that I blow into the farms to enliven those ants as well. Many of those ants I had assumed were dead as I hadn’t seen much activity from them in a long time. Like magic, the ants came to life and scurried about in fear and anger, looking for the heavy breathing intruder.
My spirits are lifted, joy is creeping back into my life and I feel a renewed vigor for my ants. Thank you, Ron.
Do ants like Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk Chewy Ganola Bars??? Oh, yes they do. They like them a whole lot! Today was feeding day and as I was riding high on my elation caused by their new found vigor and I decided to give them a treat. Basically, I taught them this:
If you work hard and build a great system of tunnels you get a blend of protein, seeds, grains, vitamins and minerals that are good for ants, but if you run for my amusement you get sweet, sweet candy.
I quickly tossed a small piece in there and instantly it was covered in a grinding, seething mass of ants desperate for the sweet, chewy, wholesome granola and soy lecithin. Maybe later I will see if they like sour gummi caterpillars or maybe they would enjoy Marie Callendars Meat Lasagna, cuz I know I do.
Sorry about the sporadic nature of the Ant Log, been busy at work and my ant joy had dissipated with the perceived death of the colony. I make no promises to you, but I will try harder.