Dear Sir,
I understand that it’s important for the morale of the nation to see your goofy monkey face superimposed on the disasters of the day. I agree, nothing takes the edge off of pain and fear like a little monkey romping around for treats. It’s good, I’m glad you are paid well in the service of your country.
What perplexes the hell out of me is why your helicopters have to fly so damned low over my house. Granted, I live near the airport and air force base, so I am used to a certain level of air traffic noise, but nothing could have prepared me for a helicopter racing mere inches over my house (or at least it sounded like inches, it could have been feet). I know, I know, you’re not actually in charge of anything, you don’t really make the decisions, but damn! I don’t want to think about helicopters crashing at 9am on a Saturday!
Whatever happened to the silent unmarked helicopters I hear so much about? Why couldn’t you use one of those? Oh, right, only the people in power get to use those. Well, maybe ask Cheney if you could borrow it next time? maybe?
Also, why couldn’t you coordinate your visit to coincide with Laura’s? We had helicopters all over yesterday as well. I’m sure it doesn’t really matter when she shows up, they just polish her plasticene exterior, prop her up and hit the ‘ON’ button.
Actually, for what it cost to get you guys out here, we probably could have gotten some more cranes or heavy lifters. Think about that next time. We already have two zoos, you’re just adding to a collection we’ve deemed complete. We don’t need sound bites and sad eyes, hollow handshakes and empty promises.
There is more I would like to say, but I’m sure your basement level hoagieheads are already picking this up on their blippy screens. Pretty soon you’re find ‘evidence’ that I am building and stockpiling ‘WMDs’. Those aren’t biological weapons! They’re jars of jam!
Wait? What am I worried about? With the way you handle wars your guys would get in and my dogs would run circles around them. Of course I’d have to live with the dogs barking at your guys for five years or more, but it’s worth it.
I think.

Thank you for the calls and messages. We are all fine, we did not know anyone who was on the bridge at the time.
We’ve not gone to see the site yet. I don’t want to get in the way and in some ways it feels very disrespectful to stand and gawk at a place where people died, where the tragedy is still a bright scar.
In fact, I stayed home today with a terrible headache and with my lack of television news coverage, I feel very disconnected from it all. I’m okay with that. When I do catch the news on the radio, half of it is pointless conjecture from talking heads and the other half is constant repetition. I admit, however, to watching many of the videos online. This is my city. I was born here, I grew up here. It is my home and my home is damaged and hurting.
On the other hand, the response to the situation was amazing. As a city they were prepared. Search and rescue teams, ambulances, hospitals, it all went as well as it could. The real miracle, as Alex pointed out earlier, is that only 4 people have been found dead and the number of missing has been brought down to 8. This is a major freeway, a busy bridge, and the numbers were kept low.
This is not a comfort to the families that have lost loved ones.

Thank you for the concerned calls and emails. David and I and our local families are fine. No one that we know has been injured in the bridge accident.
This is a truly terrible accident.
I do not have the words for it right now.

Remember when the hard drive on my laptop died? I don’t blame you, it was way back in December. Yeah, I’m easily distracted from stuff I have to do.
David and Keith tried, but amongst the tiny tiny screws there was one that refused to budge, preferring to just be smooshy. Yesterday David used the divine magic of accidentally leaving my laptop in his car for hours and then buying a different screwdriver and the stubborn screw just came right out. There is no easy way to take a 12 inch powerbook apart. It’s all tiny screws, tiny plugs, tiny wires and obscure instructions.
David managed and there it was, a shiny new hard drive in my computer.
Then it was my turn to get the operating system loaded up. OSX Panther (growl) went on just slick and easy. OSX Tiger (roar) was more problematic. After finally getting it loaded, the computer started showing me crazy bits of code and error messages. My favorite:

PANIC: We are just hanging here…

Who the hell is this ‘we’ and where the fuck are they ‘hanging’ the damned laptop isn’t even an inch thick! Also, don’t panic. Panicking won’t help my computer get better, it’ll just upset me. There were many theories about over heating, other bad items on the inside, satanic possession.
I did the only thing I could do, I made a bowl of oatmeal and sat in bed reading. David tried a few things to no avail and he came to bed.
Today he reloaded Panther (growl) and it works fine. I’ll talk to the muchachos at work about getting a clean Tiger (roar) disk and trying again. I might even see if there was some extra photoshop…
So yeah, got the laptop back. On one hand it would have been nice to get a new one, but I really don’t have a reason to get a new one except that it would be shinier. Also, the difference between the MacBook and the MacBook Pro is $900 and only the MacBook Pro comes in silver. I’m a whore for silver electronics. I’m reasonably sure that David (the dude with the best credit score the mortgage guy had ever seen) would not be so down with paying $900 for a color upgrade (I mean I know there are other features that are better, but in all honesty, I use the computer for surfing the web, email, photos and writing. None of these things require the $900 worth of tiny chinese orphans that live in the MacBook Pros!).
In other shiny news, we received 3 giant boxes from Sierra Trading Post today. Of course the bulk of what was sent is going back. The nice thing about their stuff is that it’s way cheap, the problem is that you can’t try it on. So, you order all kinds of things, try them on, send back what does not fit. I ordered 3 pairs of sneakers to try. I have a pair of Asolo hiking boots and they are amazingly comfortable, so I decided to try a pair of their sneakers. They were not so comfortable, too loose in the toe box and heel, not much padding. Those are going back. Next up was a pair of Keens that were super cute, but I was reasonably sure would be useless. I figured I’d at least try them, everyone needs cute shoes and maybe they would be cute and functional. Completely useless. There was nothing to them, no support, nothing to hold them in place, all kinds of places where the rubbing and blistering would happen.
Well, as a back up I ordered another pair of green Vasques. Perfect. You know, when you find the perfect pair of sneakers you just keep them. We’re tempted to buy a few extra pairs just to have them on hand should they decide to stop making the Velocity. I’m fat, I have small feet and high arches, also, I supinate like a freak. It’s not as bad as pronation, but it’s why I sprain my ankles so easily. The Vasque Velocities are made to be trail runners so they have all kinds of crazy support for the arches and they try to keep you from twisting your ankle while running over rocks and roots. Certainly, they can’t save me from my own retardation, but they help. Also, most shoes are too big for me in some way, my heel slips or the toe box is loose or something retarded. These shoes fit perfectly. I didn’t think it was possible to be so in love with a pair of shoes (and believe me, I love shoes).
I also ordered some pink snowboots , I don’t know what kind of crack they were smoking when they sized these fuckers but the size 5 boots were so huge that…well, there’s some sort of absurd comparison to be made here. They’re going back.
I also got a rain coat in the same green as my new sneaker shoes and also some slicky rain pants for when it rains I guess.
Still to come: my awesome new sleeping bag!
And tomorrow I get started on my State Fair jam! Cherry jam, strawberry lemon jam (def strawberry jam) and probably a batch of salsa verde and a chutney of sorts. I’ll probably whip up a batch of Leminger for myself if I have time.
To be honest, I’m not necessarily entering to win, I just want to get in there and see how things compare and get an idea of how things get rated. After this year I’ll really put a lot of effort into it. I had wanted to enter in the crochet categories as well seeing as the stuff I saw ribboned last year was not all that exceptional (sorry, but it wasn’t), but I didn’t get around to anything. Ah well, there’s next year for that.
I’ll keep you posted.
And one last thing, I just want to say thank you to the people who called an emailed me last week. I was having such a terrible week missing Ghengis and so many of you called to comfort or make sure I was okay. My aunt emailed me today, she pointed out that probably no one knows just how much he meant to me and that it was probably pretty lonely in my grief. I hadn’t thought about it, but she’s right. I am often uncomfortable talking about my grief because I feel that I can’t explain how important this whole thing is and that people will just think I’m a nutty dog person with emotional problems (more than usual, you know). So yeah, bad week and all, but it’s getting better. Sort of.
I’m off to see if my photos still work!

We were at Fleet Farm this weekend buying 87 pounds of dog food (no, really, we got 87 pounds of dog food), dog treats and some more canning jars when I happened upon the worst combination of stupid and evil that I had seen in a long time.
She walked up to the Science Diet dog food rep (who doesn’t work there, she’s just talking up the dog food, but I loved her because she recommended a non-Science Diet brand to me because she thought it would be better for Maddie than anything they made)…god, I hate the parenthetical tangents…
Anyway, stupid evil lady walks up to the rep and they have this conversation (some of it is modified as I can’t remember it word for word, but it’s all there in spirit)
Evil Lady: Where is the squirrel poison?
SD Rep: Squirrel poison?
EL: Yeah, I need to kill some squirrels
SDR: um, you might want to try rat poison…that’s over there
EL: Does it hurt birds?
SDR: What?
EL: can I stick it in the bird feeders to keep the squirrels away?
SDR: yes, it will probably kill the birds
EL: The damned squirrels are everywhere and I hate them…
(at this point I am openly staring at her in awe)
EL: I’ve tried everything, they just keep coming back
SDR: Well, I think the best thing to do is trap them in a live trap and let them go far away from the area, but if you rid your property of squirrels you will just create a squirrel free vacuum that will suck in more squirrels (she didn’t say it like that)
EL: How do I keep them off my property?
(Now I am staring at her with perplexed awe AND I noticed that she had her pants pulled up really high)
SDR: (laughing, thinking she’s joking) well, you just don’t…
EL: Dammit, I even put antifreeze out there and in my attic, they come in the holes in my eaves and tear everything up in my attic.
(I’m not kidding, my jaw dropped open at the mention of antifreeze)
At this point you could see the rep was getting pissed. She tried to tell her that it was illegal to poison animals with anti-freeze (In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to poison squirrels anyway) and that even if it was legal it was a terribly cruel way to kill an animal. Not to mention that other animals could get into the antifreeze and die painful deaths. Once an animal ingests the antifreeze there is very little that can be done for them. The death is slow and painful, the kidneys shut down and the body becomes toxic. I wanted to hit her face with my hand.
I’m not saying that people need to get into a squirrel’s head or anything, but a squirrel just doesn’t define boundaries the way humans do. A squirrel does not say “the people in this house like birds, I bet they intend this food for the birds and not me.” What a squirrel says when happening upon a feeder is “AAAWESOME!!!! Holy shit! Food that doesn’t require digging or scavenging! MMMM all of my favorites in a pile. And birds to hang out with. Life is good, I love food!”
So, you know, if you’re going to put out the food that the squirrels love to eat, then expect the squirrels to show up.
Also, if you have holes in your eaves and the squirrels are getting in, fucking fix your house you asspabst. Fuck. Again, a squirrel does not say “this seems nice, but I don’t have a deed to the house and I’m pretty sure I can’t pay the mortgage using the free food I found. Oh well.” what a squirrel says is “whoa! it’s warm and full of material to make nests with and there’s room for a few other squirrels so we won’t be fighitng over territory and it might be nice to have sex in side for once instead of while grasping the side of a tree.”
And lastly, squirrels aren’t good detectives. If Bob Squirrel and Joe Squirrel don’t show up for the midmorning chase, Tom squirrel’s going to think it’s weird but not think much else about it. He won’t say “I bet they aren’t here because someone killed them and if they are killed then I should take the warning and get out!”, squirrels are a little more like the characters in the Alien movies, “hmm Bob and Joe aren’t here, and they left all their stuff. I want new stuff. I should live here. Awesome, free green stuff to drink!”
I hate so few people and I just wanted to smack the shit out of her. She had no logic, no ability to think things through, she just wanted to control something that didn’t need to be controled and ignore the real problem (like the fact that her cheap print turtleneck that was tightly tucked into her really high pants was kind of bunched up on one side and she looked like she had a mighty ass hump).