I walk into the restroom after lunch today to relieve myself and what do i find? My stall is blocked from use??!??? I stood there for at least 30 seconds trying to figure out how to move the stuff from in from of it so I could get in. Eventually my laziness took over and I wandered into the other stall. The entire experience was surreal and painful. The toilet paper dispenser was on the wrong side, the lighting was different — how the hell am I supposed to get into the mood when I can’t even look at the things I normally do? Peeing isnt an adventure, it’s a moment to quietly reflect on the day’s events and plan your attack on the rest of the day. I can’t concentrate on the important stuff if I am bumping into the toilet paper dispenser and worrying about my fading eyesight. Shit, at least I still wipe with the same hand.

This morning my cat, Chloe, told me about her job as the night manager at the Dollar Store. She didnt seem entirely happy about her job. It seems that our other two cats are not showing up for their shifts. Chiva the Kitten claimed she didn’t know about it, then told me about her job delivering newspapers. Cocoa the Reticent just stared at me, quietly judging me. I told Chloe to get a better job.

i weave a web of pain and deceit masked in charm around those unfortunate souls who get too close

Waiting for the inevitable psychotic break that will be the peanut butter to my jellylike brain.

This morning my alarm went off and it was inexplicably tuned into the local craptacular pop station (KDWB for those in the Mpls area). I won’t go into my rant about how much I hate morning shows and how my vision of hell includes non-stop morning show style broadcasts. The main guy, Dave Ryan, was going on and on about the Backstreet Boys and how wonderful they are. I have never heard a man get so cum-soaked over a boy band before.
You could tell that he totally hated the band but was forced to slobber over them due to his contractual obligations to Satan.
After that they got into a somewhat heated discussion about Eminem and his validity as an artist. They went on to compare him to Renee Cox and her current scandal causing exhibit in New York (Yo Mama’s Last Supper).
Both may be offensive to different groups for different reasons but only one will move people to violence (namely me against silly bad-ass wannabes with goofy hair).