Done Today

I’d post pictures but I packed the cord for my camera away in a box and that box is somewhere…somewhere…
So I did a lot of moving today. Not terribly interesting.
This is, however, the first place that I have ever lived in alone. Mine. Alone. I will hang pictures where I think they will look nice and I will organize the kitchen the way that works for me and I will pick curtains and colors and motifs.
And if they look bad. pfffft. Mine.
also, just a note…
‘The Village’ is a terrible, stupid movie. Three points…1) How is raising your families in an environment of total fear and paranoia any better that what you left behind? 2) You’ve got to be 12 kinds of fucked up to leave a blind girl alone in the woods when you know there are monsters out there, you are one bitch-ass pussy for leaving her behind 3) These people seem to have an unlimited supply of lamp oil and are in no way concerned about conserving this resource.
Ghengis is having a sleep over at Dena and Levi’s this weekend. He’s chilling with Bela the absolutely fucking massive rottweiler. As expected, Ghengis has quickly asserted his loyalty to Dena, he loves her. G is quite possibly the most disloyal dog ever.
In the morning we get the big truck and move everything else. Dang. yo.
PS I’m the queen of the advice metaphor. Every problem in life can be related to some other part of like that has fewer problems. When giving someone advice, though, don’t use the words ‘phototropism’ or ‘binary fission’. People can’t take advice that confuses them!

mmmmmmbeer

I want to thank ALL of you, and I mean ALL of you that responded either in my comments or via email (I got a LOT of emails about this) detailing the nutritional value of beer.
Now, while I appreciate that many of the ingredients in beer might at some point in their existence been healthy and nutrition-laden substances, I’m just gonna have to go ahead and say that the process of making beer probably negates that value. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the Bill Cosby routine where he is tasked to prepare breakfast for his children. They want chocolate cake, he knows this is wrong, they insist and he determines that since chocolate cake has eggs and flour in it, both nutritionally viable breakfast options, it must be good for breakfast.
Dad is great! Give us the chocolate cake”
Also, when you take into consideration those people who seem to subsist solely on beer. These are not healthy people. At all. These people are losing teeth and organs, not because of scurvy but because their body is willing itself to die without checking with the brain first. This is the result of beer.
I’m still voting for beer negating the value of the vitamin.
non sequitur
Today a coworker came into my office, looked at me and asked “are you on the phone?”. I told the Time Warner guy to hold on and replied, “Yes, that’s why I have a phone attached to my face!”. There was much amusement at this. Even the Time Warner guy laughed and he was like one of those old, beer drinking guys with the raspy voice named Earl that your grandpa hung out with down at the VFW. Earl rocked. Earl loved me.
Earl loved me because of my policy today to be cheerful AND goofy on the phone with everyone. Also, there was a huge clusterfuck on my account that needed to be fixed. Earl was expecting yelling and hystrionics. He was expecting blame. There was no blame! Earl didn’t hold my account down and sweat all over it while he called it dirty names and grunted like a hog factory sow giving birth. No way, Earl just answered the phone, Earl was just doing his job. Also, if your goal is to be cheerful you can’t very well go around yelling at people, can you?
So, in exchange for my pleasant and off kilter repartee I got my account fixed, I got a special rate for the next six months AND he tried to wing it so my internet access could be hooked up tomorrow (he got me in on monday, it was the soonest he could finagle). Earl and I wished each other the happiest of weekends.
Then i went down to the DMV and chatted up the lady in double knit behind the counter. I cheered when she told me the vehicle I was getting tabs for needed new plates. Oddly, this revelation confused the woman next to me. She heard “your chevy needs new plates” (it’s the school’s pick up truck) and kept asking “do all chevy’s need new plates? do i have to get new plates? why only chevy’s”. We tried to explain to her that it was just a matter of age. The plates on this vehicle were 11 years old and the state routinely switches out the plates on vehicles after they hit a certain age. She still couldn’t understand why the state was targeting chevy’s, but she was glad it wasn’t hers. We gave up, she was happy enough. I was getting tabs for 2 different vehicles and I so very thoughtfully had all my paperwork, the check and my ID at the ready for her.
I declared the entire process to be ‘Keen’, wished her a happy weekend and was on my way.
I then got the ever reliable Ghengis and headed back to work to drop off the tabs and plates. I made sure Ghengis did his duty before we left and still he managed to crap in my office. He’s kind of retarded.
Tomorrow I move. Wish me luck.
Tonight the boy and I have a date. YAY.

mo-sheen

I need a set of 3 machines. One machine will pick up my house and shake all the contents into a second machine. The second machine will sort my stuff and chuck everything I don’t need (chuck it to some charitable organization, of course). It would determine what i ‘need’ based on actual intelligence and logic, not just “oh…i might use that someday!”
The third machine will take everything left over and set up my new place and hang pictures and put clean sheets on the bed and also get me a new microwave and put a meal in the microwave.
Better living through science, that’s what I say!
Does taking a vitamin with a beer negate the benefits of the vitamin?

Binaut

Doesn’t Suck: Being called well in advance of a realtor showing giving me enough time to plan my evening and take the dog to the dog park.
Sucks: Finding out AS YOU GET HOME that they changed the time and didn’t tell you and so you must turn right around and go out again.
Doesn’t Suck: Watching your dog play hard with lots of dog.
Sucks: Having a giant german shepard decide your dog looks like a tasty snack.
Sucks: Cutting a gash in your head while pretending to do step aerobics in your newly emptied pantry.
Doesn’t Suck: Having someone who takes care of you.

we will…we will

BORE YOU
So, I can’t come up with interesting words to write, but I can point a camera and click a button. So now I offer up to you the most boring photo essay. Ever. (and I know boring photo essays, I work at an art college!).
1) My new home!

This is my new place. It’s a little duplex in south Minneapolis near everything! I will live on the right side and I can do my own window box. Yay.
This is the only picture I have of the place right now, I move on Saturday, though.
2) Ghengis goes to the Dog Park!

Ghengis runs.

Ghengis incites trouble.

Almost got him.

Ghengis waits in the car while I buy a custard filled doughnut and ass coffee.
3) How to Make Breakfast.
This is by far the most boring pictoral. ever. Seriously, who wants to see what I make for breakfast?

Pre-maduros!

Post maduros. Actually, these were halfway between tostones and maduros. Too ripe and sweet to be tostones, but just NOT quite ripe enough to be marduros. I also sliced them too thin so they got crispy, BUT I loved them this way. I added some kosher salt at service and they were wonderful. A little sweet, a little salty.

Mise en Place people! Prep everything. Here we have mushrooms (so nasty), asparagus and tomatoes.

Saute over high heat. I learned after the fact that you are not supposed to cook mushrooms to death. What do I know, I hate mushrooms!

Add your spinach. So good for you. Add way more than you think you need. It cooks down more than you realize.

The spinach cooks way down to nothing, concentrating all the vitaminy goodness just for you.

Add even more spinach. Adding more spinach not only makes you healthy but it uses up the copious amounts of spinach that you find in your fridge that you have to use or it will turn into a massive green funk in a week.

Tomatoes have lycopene. Lycopene is the trendy new nutrient that all the ketchup bottles tell me about. I get most of my nutritional information from ketchup bottles. It was good enough for the Gipper, it’s good enough for me.

Finally we add the egg. We’re making scrambled eggs! Good for us. All the health benefits of the vegetables are being drown in a sea of eggy cholesterol.

Pick your spices wisely. I went with pepper and Penzeys Greek Seasoning. I could have gone with any combination of 2.32 million spices located in a drawer, conveniently labelled and dying to be used. The best thing about this drawer (and one of my favorite activities) is that everything gets dumped every 6 months and replaced with fresh stuff (either new, or from the freezer). I’m sick, I love doing this.

To add insult to the vegetable’s injury we proceed to scoop a bunch of chevre into the mess. So good…so very good.

And here’s breakfast. Scrambled eggs, pseudo-marduros, french bread, orange juice and coffee. Since I’m in the middle of packing you have to sort of shove shit around and pretend you are having a civilized meal at a real table with real manners.

And it’s over. Breakfast was delightful. Perhaps next time you could join us, I might even make pancakes.
So there you have it, these are the pictures hanging out on my camera. You get to see them. They don’t really mean anything.
It’s 11:50 pm, I’ve had some crackers, some cheese and I’m drinking a beer. I need dinner and fast.