my mind is like a bottomless pit of peanut butter
take what you need, make cookies, sandwiches, sauces out of it.
chew it, consider it, appreciate it.
most of all, cover it when done

All of my wishing and hoping and fervent nighttime prayer has come to fruition and I have joined the ranks of ‘Saab Girls’ all over the world. That’s right, i am now the very very proud owner of a 1999 Cobalt Blue Saab 9’3 Turbo.
This car can really only be described with one word:
SWEET
This car has more features than a human being needs in a car…
* Dead Cow: Everything is covered in leather, the seats, the dashoard, the steering wheel, the gear shift, the little details on the doors. Many cows gave their lives so that I might slip more easily into my seat (they also gave their lives so that I might eat them, but that is a different post).
* Heated Seats: Yeah, that’s right baby, at the push of a button my seat warms up. May not be important to many, but I live in Minnesota. The front passenger also gets to partake in this Festival Of Ass Warmth.
* Headlight Wipers: HEADLIGHT WIPERS!!! I push a button and these tiny wipers on my headlights spray wiper fluid and clean the headlights off. I can’t even see them running, but I use them for the sheer novelty of tiny wipers.
* Sun Roof: Not terribly exciting, but gives me the opportunity to watch the clouds when I am stuck in traffic.
* Turbo: No one ever thinks they need a turbo, “Why do I need a turbo, eh? My car, it goes just fine. Go on with your turbo.”. Drive a car with a turbo just once and you will weep salty tears when you go back to your slowmobile. The turbo uses a fan to make a funnel of air blah blah blah. Basically, it’s like Star Trek, you hover for a second, then your car stretches and warps through time and space. My turbo goes so fast that i can sleep until noon and still get to work before 8am.
* Safety Features: Saabs have more safety features than you can shake a stick at. And if you shook a stick at me while I was in my car, it would protect me from that too. Should I nudge, scrape or bump into anything, my car will immediately fill up with pillows of safety. I have airbags everywhere in this thing AND since I am short, I can turn them off if they are deemed more harmful than helpful. Four wheel anti-lock disc brakes so that i can come out of hyper-turbo drive with a minimum of effort. And Saab’s crumple zones ensure that if I get into an accident, the entire car will crumple up and absorb the impact leaving me in a little safe box full of airbags.
* Other Stuff: CD, 4 doors, enough trunk space for 3 adult bodies or many midgets, cruise, air, a button that says ‘S’, security system, 1000 different ways to fold and adjust the seats, fog lamps and it goes “bweep-op” whenever you push a button on the remote.
So all in all a very merry Christmas to me. If you want a ride, let me know!

The only way I could think to describe the voice of a person I work with:
“Her voice is the slow whine that comes from the ungreased axle that hell rotates on.”
I have to hear it every day.
(no, it is not my boss)