The weekend in food

Get ready to be appalled…
Friday night we decided to go to the drive-in (more on that later). We drove to the grocery store and stocked up on drive-in food. That night I ate salami, miracle whip, licorice, beef jerky, hawaiian punch, malt cups, triscuits, and gummi peaches.
The next day I had the rest of the salami for lunch, then ate snacks the rest of the day. The big snack of the day was Cheez Flavored Puffcorn Curls (you know Puffcorn Curls…Yeah you do…Your grandma makes that weird caramel corn with the plain variety). At 1 a.m. my blood sugar hit dangerously low levels and I ate a handful of triscuits and a cherry yogurt after I ate an entire bag of licorice whips while lying in bed reading a book.
Sunday was better, Burger King chicken sandwich, their new fries (even crappier than their old fries – they need to stop coating them with various forms of cardboard dust, I mean who do they have taste testing these things anyway? Pudding experts?) and a frozen Minute Maid Cherry thing. Then I got a giant doughnut from Tobies (if you dont know Tobies, I am sorry). Then off to my inlaws for fathers day bbq’d chicken.

A little bit of advice for today

If you are lying in bed about to get up and you hear the person you live with (girlfriend, spouse, terrorist kidnapper) talking to the cats saying this:
C’mon, eat it…eat it Chiva…you too, Cocoa, kill it…eat it…come on I don’t want to pick it up with toilet paper…ack…aaaaack
your wisest course of action is to stay in bed. Just roll over and feign sleep or death, whichever is more convincing.
For the record, it was a big centipede out there. Considering my near phobic level of fear for centipedes, I think my decision to stay in bed was a good one.
This is the second monster-sized centipede in as many weeks. All the extra rain is driving them inside.

Ant Farm: Part 2

A NEW ANT FARM!! When I purchased the ant farm for the office here i also purchased one for home. It took forever but my ants finally arrived. A little bit of cosmic irony that on the day that I find my beloved ants dead, the mail brings me a whole new set. In death there is always life.
Setup should have been fairly easy since I had accomplished it once before, but my decendancy from apes is fairly short and of course I had issues. The village is a cylinder within a cylinder. The inner cylinder stays sealed and the ants don’t go in it. Its purpose is to keep the sand pressed firmly against the outer clear cylinder. If you are an 8 year old boy you can accomplish the assembly of this simple product but I suck and I cannot. I don’t notice how poorly I have put this together until the very end when I cannot snap the top piece in place. This would be after I wet the sand down.
I put the inner cylinder in at a slight angle, thought nothing of it and added the sand and water. When I realized my mistake I tried to move the wet sand around to the other side. Impossible. I had to break the whole thing down, scoop the wet sand into a bowl, reassemble it and then try to get the wet sand into the narrow space. Second time was a success. A messy, irritating success.
Since I was home I had access to sugar to make the requisite sugar water. I added a few drops and dumped the ants in. When they awoke and discovered this simple nectar of the gods they made a huge pile of ants on this little drop of water and not a one of them drowned. Seems ants enjoy making seething piles. I also enjoy seething…oh nevermind
After about 45 minutes they had their fill of sweet liquid and moved on to the task of entertaining me. As we know, ants aren’t all that different from farm to farm. These ants started the same way, checking the place out, moving the dead, trying to escape. Though similar in style, I am sure these new ants will bring me another 3 weeks of irrepressible ant joy.
Wish me luck as we start on our new journey.

Ant Farm: Requiem

Rex tremendae majestatus
qui salvandos salvas gratis
salve me, fons pietatis
The ants scurry no longer. All is silent in antville today. No frenetic activity, no hill being built, no tunnels being excavated.
Ingemisco tanquam reus,
Culpa rubet vultus meus
The ants were fading. Was I feeding too much? Watering too little? I don’t know. The sand was as dry and arid as my soul when I got in. Their last bit of food was molded over. Had I created an environment so unworthy of the adaptable ant? Most ants had been buried. One ant died, alone and frightened of this holocaust, in one of the transport tubes.
Oro supplex et acclinis,
Cor contritum quasi cinis
I will order more ants and I will love those ants and I will learn from my mistakes. I will succeed!
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine;
et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Goodbye Lionel Ritchie Fans
Goodbye lovers of granola
Goodbye CO2 reactors
Goodbye Antstronaut
Goodbye my little ants